Overpopulation
by Jaylen
Summary: Set after the end of the third book movie. The fellowship is called together one last time to complete another mission for Elrond, but it's not exactly what they expected. Lots of babies and bashing! Disclaimer: I don't own LotR
1. Reunion!

A/N: Hey, it's me with another story up. I've written some pretty bad stories in my life, but I'm glad to say that I don't consider this to be one of them. This is actually one of my better works, and I'm rather proud of it! An important note is that this is meant to be humorous. I make fun of EVERYBODY. It's not meant to stay true to the books OR the movies because none of this would have happened in either. So, if you're going to flame me, it better not be because of that. Flaming me for anything else is just fine. Right, so, this story came to me at about 3:00 am on a Saturday after I had spent the entire week babysitting WAY too much and watching Lord of the Rings WAY too much and I felt I had to write it. The story is already completely written so suggestions usually won't be taken unless they're really good, or about grammar or formatting or something. Okay, that's all I can think of now, so read on.   
  
***On the Last Ship to Leave Middle Earth  
  
Frodo Baggins sat on the ship headed for the undying lands, staring out at the sea. "Gandalf," he said quietly, "what are the undying lands like?"  
  
Gandalf chuckled. "Well, I wouldn't know my dear Frodo. I've never been before! Why do you ask?"  
  
"I-I just...Gandalf, I don't think I really want to go!"  
  
"What do you mean by that?" Gandalf asked.  
  
"I don't want to go to the undying lands! I'll miss everyone too much! Like, Sam! And Merry and Pippin, and Aragorn, and Legolas and Gimli and...and even Boromir."  
  
"You'd have to miss Boromir anyway, young hobbit." Gandalf said, chuckling.  
  
"I'm not joking." Said Frodo, feeling an overwhelming desire to punch Gandalf in the face. "And thank you for pointing out the obvious, but that's not your job. That was Legolas's job." Frodo's anger immediately turned to sadness. He was going to miss everyone, so much.  
  
The two sat in silence for a few minutes. Frodo watched Bilbo talking with Lord Elrond. Lord Elrond was a wonderful person. He had saved Frodo's life when he was stabbed on Weathertop. He had brought the Fellowship together, and given Frodo some of the best friends he ever had. Frodo could take it no longer. "Turn around!" he yelled.  
  
"What?" said Gandalf.  
  
"Shut up, Gandalf. Turn around!"  
  
"Why?" asked Elrond.   
  
"I don't want to go away! I want to go back and see all my friends again!" Frodo cried.  
  
"Frodo, your friends have gone back to their own lives. Sam, Merry, and Pippin to the Shire, Legolas to Mirkwood, Aragorn to Gondor, Gimli to...well, wherever strange folk like him go. Anyway, the point is, it would be too difficult to get back together with them." Elrond said softly.  
  
"No." said Frodo. "No, it wouldn't. I know you want to go back, don't you Elrond? And Gandalf too!" He looked back and forth between the two of them desperately.  
  
"Frodo, I cannot deny that I would much love to return to middle earth and live there, but the time of the elves is over." Elrond explained.  
  
"So? There are still plenty of elves living in middle earth!"  
  
"Elrond, I think it would be best if we did turn around. Frodo has managed to change my mind. There are many things that I would like to do also." Said Gandalf.  
  
Frodo was now feeling an overwhelming desire NOT to punch Gandalf in the face. "Thank you Gandalf!"  
  
"Oh, fine." Said Elrond. "You know, that might be sort of fun! Who knows what's going on in Rivendell right now? Hey, we could have like a big fellowship reunion! Except without Boromir because he's dead."  
  
"Oh, that would be lovely!" exclaimed Gandalf. "Let's go immediately!"  
  
***In Rivendell-The House of Elrond  
  
Through his wondrous skills, Elrond got Frodo, Gandalf, and himself back to Valinor. Galadriel and Bilbo decided they really would like to go to the undying lands, although Celeborn decided to return to Lothlorien, so as soon as Elrond, Frodo, and Gandalf got off, they continued sailing. Elrond took Frodo and Gandalf to Rivendell, where he ordered messengers to be sent out to find the other members of the fellowship.   
  
Unfortunately, Elrond could not devote all of his time to finding the fellowship members, because Rivendell was having some issues, and the person who had filled in for him in his absence had not done a very good job controlling them. There had apparently been quite a large baby boom and there were elf-children running around all over the place, and I mean ALL OVER THE PLACE. The streets were noisy and crowded, littered with dolls and pacifiers, and jam-packed with children. It had gotten so bad that most parents didn't even bother to supervise their children anymore because they knew they'd get lost anyway. And most parents couldn't really tell their children apart from any of the others. Frodo had heard with his own two ears one elf say to his wife "Okay, we have seven kids, and we'll never find them all, so let's just grab seven of these, never mind if they're ours or not."  
  
Frodo actually found it quite interesting. He had never seen an elf baby before, and he was quite surprised when he saw one crawling up to him through the masses of children. She was a tiny thing, couldn't have been more than eight months old, yet she had a full head of loooooooong blonde braided hair. "How curious" Frodo said, as he picked her up and settled her in his lap.   
  
An elf lady walked up to him, holding another baby that looked exactly the same. She took the baby out of his lap. "Dear, could you tell me, which one of these looks more like me?" she asked, holding them both up in front of her.  
  
"Um...I'm not really sure." Said Frodo.  
  
"You know, sometimes I wish that all elf babies didn't look exactly the same." She said. "That would make it a lot easier for us parents."  
  
"I'm sure it would." Frodo gazed out at the crowded streets. "I don't really remember it being like this when I first came here five years ago." He commented.   
  
"Oh, of course you don't." the elf said absently, still looking back and forth between the two babies. "It wasn't. Normally elves don't really have many children. It's usually just one or two in their entire lifetime, which can go on forever." She looked at him. "But as soon as Elrond informed us that the time of the elves was about to end, we started having 'em in rapid succession. Believe me, it got pretty hot here."  
  
"That's, um...really nice." Said Frodo, feeling a bit uncomfortable.   
  
"We weren't about to let men take over, no siree. Of course, we might have gone a bit overboard."  
  
"You can say that again." Frodo mumbled.  
  
"In fact, I think we probably did go a bit overboard. I feel mighty bad for Lord Elrond, trying to sort all of this out." She was silent for a minute longer. Finally she said "Oh hell, I'll take 'em both. What difference is one more baby going to make in my house anyway?" With that said, she got up and left a bewildered Frodo sitting on the bench.  
  
Frodo sat silently for about another hour, watching the children running and playing. They seemed to be very happy considering the conditions they were in. He must have fallen asleep at some point, because he felt himself being shaken awake, and the streets were much quieter than they had been before.   
  
"Frodo, wake up!"  
  
Frodo opened his eyes to see that the sky had darkened. The streets were mostly empty, except for the occasional child whose parents had probably forgotten that they had. "What time is it?" Frodo asked.  
  
"About nine." Said Gandalf, who had awakened Frodo. "Come, there are some people here who I think you will like to see."  
  
Gandalf led Frodo to the Rivendell meeting hall where he saw the entire fellowship (minus Boromir who was dead) standing and waiting for him. "OH MY GOD! You guys really did come!" he cried.  
  
"Did you think we wouldn't?" said Aragorn, stepping forward to give Frodo a hug. "It's great to see you again."  
  
Before Frodo could reply, he was knocked to the ground by something very heavy and squishy.  
  
"MISTER FRODO!!!!!"   
  
"Sam! My dear Sam!" he cried, and pulled him into a tight embrace.  
  
In the end, Frodo hugged everyone except for Legolas and Gimli, who were too busy hugging each other. They had been separated for a long time, and had a lot of catching up to do.  
  
After everyone had finished their individual hugs, they all joined together for a big group hug. "We are all here together, and it is so wonderful," Gandalf spoke up "but we must remember, there was another who fell while fighting for us. Let our hearts be merry, but let us never forget Boromir, captain of Gondor, whose strength and heart surpassed all others-"  
  
"Hey!" said Aragorn.  
  
Gandalf ignored him "-and let us be truly thankful to him for his selfless deeds."   
  
By the end of Gandalf's speech, they were all considerably more subdued, and Merry and Pippin even had tears streaming down their faces. But they didn't stay sad for very long.   
  
The fellowship had dinner together and stayed up late afterwards talking and laughing. They told their stories about what they had been doing over the past few years, and carefully managed to skate around topics such as when they would have to leave, or what they would do once they did.   
  
At about four in the morning, Elrond came in to the room and told them that they needed to be quiet because he was trying to get some sleep. They all felt very bad for him because they had seen the problem he had on his hands, and so they honored his request and went to bed.   
  
Frodo crawled into bed, but as he did, he couldn't help feeling sad because he knew that the fellowship would soon have to break again. He mourned the loss of Boromir, and he knew that no matter how hard they tried, it would never be the same as is was before without him. Frodo finally drifted to sleep as the sun peeked over the hilltops. He didn't stay asleep for very long, however. A few minutes later, the parents once again released their children, and he was awakened by the yells and screams of the young elves.  
  
There came a light knock at the door. "Mr. Frodo?"   
  
"Come in." he said sleepily.  
  
"I hate to wake you, Mr. Frodo," Sam said as he entered the room. "But I figured those elf kids probably already had you awake. Anyway, Elrond says that he needs the entire Fellowship to come to the meeting hall. Apparently, he's having another council, and he says it's very important."  
  
"I bet he wants us to go kill some of those kids." Frodo said, very annoyed. "And I wouldn't mind doing it. At first I thought they were cute, but they all look the same, and they all make so much noise, and I just can't stand it."  
  
"Welcome to the club, Mr. Frodo. Everyone else seems to think the same way you do. Now come on, we've really got to get going."  
  
"I'm coming, I'm coming."  
  
***In the Meeting Hall-Secret Council #2  
  
Frodo entered the meeting hall to find that he and Sam were the first ones there. As soon as the six other members of the fellowship had arrived and settled down, Elrond began his speech.  
  
"Dear friends, it is so wonderful to have you in Rivendell again. This council may remind you of one that I held not so long ago, involving a ring. But that council was much different, for this one will not involve a piece of jewelry. However, this will be similar to the first council, for at that council I picked nine of you to be a fellowship and to go on a quest, a mission to save middle earth. I know that you have all missed each other greatly in the time that you were apart, and so I have a proposal to make." He paused for a moment, then continued. "Would you, as a fellowship, be interested in helping me once again to make this world a better place?"  
  
"Another quest?" said Pippin, his eyes shining.  
  
"More of a mission." Replied Elrond.  
  
"Oh...that works too!" Pippin said, excited. "And we'd get to get out of here and away from all of these kids!"  
  
"I, for one, would love to go on this mission with my friends." Said Frodo. "It will be just like old times." He purposely said nothing about Boromir.  
  
"Wonderful!" cried Elrond. "But I need all of you."  
  
The fellowship began talking amongst themselves, trying to decide what the best thing to do was.   
  
"Come on, Merry! This will be fun! We'll get to hang out with Strider and Frodo and...well, Gandalf again!"   
  
"That's the part I'm worried about, Pip. Gandalf."   
  
"Oh...I see. But, but it will still be fun! Besides, I kind of missed Gandalf...kind of."  
  
"Oh, alright, I'll do it!"  
  
"Hurray!" shouted Elrond, who had overheard. "Everyone who is agreeing to take part in this mission must first sign this paper." He looked over at Aragorn who was eyeing him suspiciously. "Just so nobody can say that I forced them to do it! It lets everyone know that you all agreed of your own free will." he said.  
  
Merry and Pippin ran forward to sign the paper, as did Legolas and Gimli.  
  
"Legolas, this will be so much fun! We're going on another mission together! Oh, I missed you soooooooo much."  
  
"I missed you too, Gimli!"  
  
Frodo walked up to sign the paper, and Sam followed behind, because he went everywhere that Frodo did. Gandalf decided that he did not want the four hobbits going anywhere supervised by only an elf and a dwarf (he didn't really trust anyone other than wizards) so he signed his name also. The only person left was Aragorn.  
  
"Tell me, Elrond, what exactly is this mission you speak of? Where will we be going? How long will it take?"  
  
"Oh, who cares Aragorn? Sign the paper, come on!" urged Merry.  
  
"Yeah, it'll be just like old times." Said Frodo. "Non-stop walking all day long, resting for three hours each night, fighting dangerous monsters and facing the risk of getting killed every second. Right, Elrond?"  
  
"Oh, um...of course!" said Elrond brightly.   
  
"Well, the way you put it Frodo, it sounds like a whole lot of fun. I'll sign."  
  
"YES!!!!!!!!" shouted Elrond. "Now, everyone has signed and I am about to tell you what you have agreed to do."  
  
The fellowship stared eagerly at him.  
  
"As you know, Rivendell has been having some problems controlling the children running around in the streets. There's just so many of them. Now, I have managed to set up a learning facility, or a school, for the children ages four to ten, and I've found some people who are willing to be teachers, but that still leaves us with the problem of all the very young children, because there's more children under four than there are over four in Rivendell..."  
  
Aragorn looked around nervously. He didn't like where this was going at all. But the rest of the fellowship was still staring impatiently at Elrond, waiting to find out what their mission was.   
  
"So," Elrond continued "until we have gotten our population under control, you fabulous people, um...and hobbits and wizards and elves and dwarves-"  
  
"Why are dwarves always last?" Gimli muttered.  
  
"Shut up, Gimli. As I was saying, you fabulous people, hobbits, wizards, elves, and dwarves, well, actually you fabulous hobbits, and then there's just one wizard, one man, one elf-"  
  
"WE GET THE POINT, ELROND!!!"  
  
"Okay, jeez. You Dwarves certainly have fiery tempers! You all have agreed, and there's no backing out now, to teach nursery school here in Rivendell, until I tell you otherwise."  
  
"WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?"  
  
A/N: Okay, this will be updated every day or two. I don't really care if you review or not. Have a nice day! Oh, and the chapters get better and longer. This was just an intro. 


	2. Assignments

A/N: Okay, here is the second chapter. It might be kind of boring, but I am like, really obsessed with organization (well, not like in my locker or my room or anything). I have to UNDERSTAND things, so hopefully reading this chapter will help you UNDERSTAND the rest of the story a little better.  
  
Aragorn couldn't believe it. "I knew you were up to something! I can't believe you're making us do this! I am King of Gondor! I have to go defend my country! I can't stay here and babysit for you!"  
  
"Gandalf, I wish we had gone to the undying lands!" Frodo cried.  
  
"I do too!" Gandalf shouted over the noise of everyone yelling at Elrond.  
  
"I thought this was a mission!" shouted Pippin.  
  
"It is a mission." Replied Elrond calmly. "It is a mission to help keep the children out of the way. And you all signed the paper, so you have to do it, or I will put a spell on you. In fact, if any of you speak right now without me telling you to, I will put a spell on you."  
  
The fellowship sat back down, looking angrily at Elrond.  
  
"Now, I will continue. The young elves will be sorted into four groups; babies, one-year-olds, two-year-olds, and three-year-olds. The three-year-old group will also contain some of the less intelligent four-year-olds that were not allowed into the learning facility...school. Two of you will be assigned to each group. There will be somewhere between thirty five and fifty children in each group-"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Speaking out of turn, are we Gandalf?" Elrond said in a menacing voice. "I'll let it go this time, but next time I won't be so kind." He turned to Aragorn. "Now, since you are the King of Gondor, I will let you have first choice. Which age group would you like?"   
  
Aragorn thought for a moment. The babies and one-year-olds would probably cry, and the two-year-olds might not be able to talk very well. Aragorn hated it when he couldn't understand someone else. That was why he had learned so many different languages and given himself a different name in each. "The three-year-olds." He said bitterly.  
  
"Wonderful!" said Elrond. "Who else wants to take care of the three-year-olds?"  
  
Every single member of the fellowship, except Gimli, raised their hands.  
  
Elrond laughed. "Let me warn you, they aren't as easy to take care of as you may think. And there are more three-year-olds than any other age."  
  
All the hands went down.  
  
"No one wants to help Aragorn?"  
  
"I'm not really sure I want the three-year-olds anymore, Lord Elrond..." Aragorn said, looking rather sick.   
  
"Too late!" cried Elrond. "Now, is there no one else who can handle the three-year-olds?"  
  
For a moment everything was silent. Then, finally, Frodo spoke up, "I will take the three-year-olds with Aragorn."  
  
Sam leapt up. "I'm going with you, Mr. Frodo!"   
  
"Sorry," said Elrond. "Only two teachers per age group!"  
  
"But...but-"  
  
"No buts, Samwise. You can have the two-year-olds." Elrond wrote Sam's name down on his list next to the two-year-olds. "Now, who wants to help Sam? Legolas?"  
  
"I won't teach unless I can share a class with Gimli!" said Legoals.   
  
"Fine, you and Gimli can have the one-year-olds...ha ha ha...have fun! They cry the most!"  
  
"Ha ha ha!" whispered Merry.  
  
"I happen to like babies!" Gimli retorted.  
  
"Now, how about we have Merry teach the two-year-olds with Sam..."  
  
Merry and Sam looked at each other. Could they handle a class of thirty-five two-year-olds? Probably not.  
  
"...and Gandalf and Pippin will take the babies."  
  
Gandalf stood up. "What did you say?" He glared at Elrond. "Did I hear correctly? Am I to be taking care of thirty-five babies with PEREGRIN TOOK?"  
  
"No, Gandalf, you will actually be taking care of forty-one babies with Peregrin Took."  
  
Gandalf was livid. "Now listen to me, Elrond-"  
  
Elrond paid no attention to him. "I believe that concludes our meeting for today. I will meet you here tomorrow at six a.m. You will be meeting your classes, so don't be late!" Elrond swept away, looking incredibly happy.   
  
The fellowship wasn't quite as thrilled as Elrond. In fact, they weren't really thrilled at all. "I can't believe he put me with Gandalf!" Pippin sobbed, as he and Merry walked back to their room. "Gandalf hates me! And FORTY-ONE babies! What am I going to do, Merry?"  
  
Merry couldn't really deny the fact that Pippin was in a bad situation, but he was more worried about himself at the moment. "At least Gandalf knows what to do...he knows everything. I'm with Sam! Neither of us knows anything about children! How in the world did we get ourselves into this?"  
  
Meanwhile, Gandalf and Aragorn were walking back to their rooms and lamenting about their problems. "Peregrin Took, Aragorn, PEREGRIN TOOK! He's likely to be more of a liability than a help to me. Oh, that Elrond is going to pay. HE WILL PAY!"  
  
"Relax Gandalf. At least you don't have fifty three-year-olds."  
  
"I WOULD RATHER HAVE FIFTY THREE-YEAR-OLDS AND FRODO BAGGINS THAN FORTY-ONE BABIES AND PEREGRIN TOOK!!!" Gandalf's face was red, and he was breathing hard. He turned on his heel and walked into his room. "DAMN YOU ELROND!" He slammed the door in Aragorn's face.  
  
"Hey Aragorn!"  
  
Aragorn turned to see Legolas and Gimli walking by.   
  
"Aren't you just so excited?" Gimli shrieked in a girly voice.  
  
"Actually, not really." Aragorn replied.  
  
"Why not?" asked Legolas. "Babies are so cute! Um, I mean...no...hang on...okay, I am thinking MANLY thoughts here."  
  
"I love babies! And I love shopping for baby clothes too!" added Gimli.  
  
"But I feel so bad for Pippin..." Legolas said. "He's with Gandalf. I don't think he'll make it out alive."  
  
"Probably not," said Aragorn "but I have more pressing issues to deal with, like fifty three-year-olds."  
  
"What's wrong with that?" asked Gimli.  
  
"Yeah, we have thirty-eight one-year-olds." Legolas put in.  
  
"You guys have fun." Aragorn sighed. "I'm gonna go catch some sleep."  
  
"Okay! Sleep tight!" Gimli called after him.  
  
Aragorn almost made it to his room before he heard his name called again.  
  
"Aragorn!" Frodo and Sam rushed up to him. "Aragorn, how in the world are we going to take care of fifty kids?" Frodo asked him.  
  
"Does it look like I know?" Aragorn said. "Look, Frodo. I really don't know. I guess we'll just have to take a lot of cookies with us. Maybe that will keep them quiet."  
  
"Hey, that's a good idea!" cried Sam. He pulled a notebook out of his pocket and began writing in it.  
  
"What's that?" asked Aragorn.  
  
"Oh, it's just, well, you see, Mr. Merry and I don't know nothing about kids so I've just been jotting down some suggestions on how to take care of them." He said sheepishly. "Thirty-five two year olds." He murmured to no one in particular.  
  
"Be grateful you don't have the three-year-olds." Frodo said darkly.  
  
"Yeah, I am. I'll see you two tomorrow. Wish me luck!" And he wandered off, still writing in his notebook.  
  
"Well Frodo, try to get some sleep tonight. I have a feeling you're going to need it."  
  
"Yeah," said Frodo "you too."  
  
***The Next Morning, in the Rivendell Meeting Hall/Room/Thing  
  
Elrond greeted everyone bright and early the next morning. "Good morning!" he said cheerfully.  
  
No one replied.  
  
"Alright, it's great to see that you're all so enthusiastic!" He smiled very falsely at them. "Well, on to business, I have provided a building with four large, VERY large, rooms for you to work in. Follow me!"  
  
The fellowship reluctantly followed after Elrond, moaning and groaning. He led them into a huge building with a sign that said "The House of Elrond's Childcare Center" in big pink bubble letters. He held the door open for them to pass through. They entered a long hallway with four doors leading into the rooms, two doors on each side. The first door on the right had a sign taped to it that read "Infants-Newborn to 11 Months, Caregivers: Gandalf the White and Peregrin Took."  
  
"I am certainly glad Peregrin Took wasn't MY caregiver when I was a baby." Gandalf grumled.   
  
"You were a baby?" Aragorn asked.  
  
Elrond paid no attention to him. "I have provided you with everything I think you'll need. The baby room has cribs, toys, and baby swings, as well as plenty of extra diapers and bottles, a refrigerator full of baby food, a microwave, and some strollers in the closet. It also has two rocking chairs, one wizard sized and one hobbit sized to fit your needs. I hope you will find it suitable. Gandalf, Pippin, we'll leave you here to get settled."   
  
Gandalf and Pippin walked into their VERY large room. Pippin looked around him in wonder. "Wow...hey Gandalf, what's the microwave for?"  
  
"To heat up the baby formula!" Gandalf yelled. "Honestly, do you know anything at all?"  
  
Pippin hung his head. Why didn't Gandalf like him? Was it just because he wasn't very smart? Because he couldn't help that. How did Gandalf expect him to know everything about babies? Pippin had grown up in the Shire where he never really messed with babies, and then he went on a quest with the fellowship. He didn't have time to learn about them!  
  
"Let's see," said Gandalf. "I specially requested that the changing table be hobbit sized. I do hope he listened to me!" He looked around, and his gaze fell on the changing table, which was quite wizard sized...in any case, it was much too big for a hobbit. "ELROND!!! I'm going to get you!!!"  
  
"Going to get him?" Pippin asked. "Come on, you're a wizard. Can't you think of a better threat than that?"  
  
"Peregrin Took, you would do very well to keep your mouth SHUT when you're around me!"  
  
"Yes. Yes, sir." Pippin sighed. It was going to be a looooong day.  
  
Meanwhile, as Gandalf and Pippin were getting settled, Elrond was leading everyone else to their classrooms. He took them to the room across the hall from Gandalf and Pippin's. The sign on the door said "One-Year-Olds-12 to 23 Months, Caregivers: Legolas of the Woodland Realm and Gimli, Son of Gloin."  
  
"Gimli and Legolas, this will be your room. Now, I have done something special with this room because it is the one-year-olds, and, as you should know, a 13-month-old can be very different from a 22-month-old. VERY different. So, I have divided this room in half with that lovely wall that you see there."  
  
Everyone peered into the room, and they saw that there was indeed a wall, about two and a half feet high, with a baby gate in the middle. The front part of the room looked much like the baby room, with cribs, swings and lots of big plastic toys. It also had a lovely rocking chair with pictures of pink flowers all over it.  
  
"Ooh! Pretty!" shrieked Gimli. "I want to sit in the rocking chair!"  
  
"No!" said Legolas. "It's my size!"  
  
"Stop it, you two. And Gimli, I had another rocking chair specially made for you. It should be arriving any minute now."  
  
The fellowship (minus Pippin and Gandalf) continued to look at the room. The back half looked very different. It had books and building blocks and A SLIDE.   
  
"Ooh!" breathed Gimli. "I changed my mind. I want to sit on the slide!"  
  
"You'll break the slide." Muttered Aragorn, who was still in a very bad mood.  
  
"Okay," Elrond cut in. "I'll leave Legolas and Gimli here to get situated. You should find everything you need. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to ask!" Elrond walked off; Sam, Merry, Frodo, and Aragorn followed.  
  
"Well, this should be fun." Said Gimli. He and Legolas stared at each other for a moment.  
  
All of a sudden, Legolas darted around Gimli and leapt onto the rocking chair. "I GOT IT!"  
  
"Darnit." Said Gimli. "Oh well, I get the slide!"  
  
"Who cares about the slide?" said Legolas.  
  
"I do!"  
  
"Fine, whatever. Hey, don't you think maybe you should put your axe away? You know, it might...scare the kids?"  
  
"That's a good idea," said Gimli, "but you have to put up your bow and arrows...and those knife thingies that you twirl around all the time."  
  
"Fine." Legolas walked over to the counter and set his bow and arrows down, as well as his knife thingies. "Hey, look! COOKIES!"  
  
"COOKIES??? I want some!"  
  
"No!" Legolas snatched the cookies away. "They're for the children!"  
  
"Here's some cheerios...yuck." said Gimli.  
  
"Those are for the children too." Said Legolas, taking those away also.  
  
There was a knock on the door. Legolas and Gimli both raced for it, but Legolas got there first. He threw the door open.  
  
"Um...hi." A really fat man in overalls stood out in the hallway. "I'm here to deliver this rocking chair, am I in the right place?"  
  
"Is that my ROCKING CHAIR???" Gimli shrieked.   
  
"Yes." Said Legolas. "Come in." he said to the rocking chair man.  
  
"Put it over there next to the slide." Gimli said eagerly. "Ooh! Mine's prettier than yours, Legolas."  
  
"Is not!"  
  
"Is too!"  
  
"Is not!"  
  
"Is too!"  
  
"I'll be leaving then..." said the rocking chair man.  
  
Back in the hallway, Elrond was showing Sam and Merry their room (2-Year-Olds-24 to 35 months, Caregivers: Samwise Gamgee and Meriadoc Brandybuck). It looked much like the back half of Legolas and Gimli's room, with building blocks, bookshelves, plastic toys, and a slide. "Okay you guys, you know the routine. I have provided you with everything you should need. There are LOTS of cookies and sippie cups in the cabinet, mats to spread out for nap time, and if you need anything, just holler."  
  
"Holler?" said Aragorn.  
  
"Yes, holler. Now, we really are short on time, so let's continue, Frodo and Aragorn."  
  
Merry took a deep breath. "Are you ready, Sam?"   
  
"No, I can't say that I am. But I do have a notebook full of suggestions on what we could do with the kids." He pulled it out of his pocket.   
  
"Oh, that's good." Said Merry. "Maybe I won't die just yet."  
  
Frodo and Aragorn were growing more nervous by the second. Fifty kids. It was going to majorly suck, but Elrond didn't really seem to notice at all. Or if he did, he didn't care. He took a deep breath and said very quickly "Here's your room, it's pretty much the same as Merry and Sam's room, except you have some different toys. There's LOTS of cookies, just like you requested, Aragorn, there's also some apple juice and extra sippie cups, and oh my goodness look at the time I really do need to get going see you later!" and left.  
  
"Well..." said Frodo.  
  
"Well..." said Aragorn.  
  
"We'll just have to wait and see what happens."  
  
A/N: Okay, that was the second chapter. The next chapter should come either tomorrow or the next day, depending on when I can get on the computer. It will be about Gandalf and Pippin...yay! 


	3. Gandalf and Pippin

A/N: Okay, this is about Pippin and Gandalf. It is one of my favorite chapters (the other favorite is the one about Aragorn and Frodo), and it's also pretty long. Sorry! Oh, and I know they didn't have like, microwaves back in middle earth, but I don't really know what stuff they did have so in my story they have modern appliances!  
  
Pippin sat nervously in his rocking chair, as he watched Gandalf pacing around between the rows of cribs. "Peregrin-" Gandalf began, but at that precise moment, the door was thrown open and he was cut off.  
  
"I almost forgot!" Elrond came running into the room. "If you're working at the House of Elrond's Childcare Center, you need a uniform!" He handed Gandalf and Pippin each a pink smock with the words 'House of Elrond's Childcare Center' written on the front.   
  
Gandalf looked disgusted. "And you expect me to wear THIS?"  
  
"Yes, of course I do! Look, it's even got your name on the back!"   
  
Pippin turned his over to see the words 'Peregrin Took: Secondary Caregiver-Infants.'  
  
"See Gandalf, you're the PRIMARY caregiver." Elrond said gleefully.  
  
But Gandalf did not seem to be in the mood for cheeriness at the moment. "FIRST you put me with PEREGRIN TOOK! THEN you tell me to take care of 41 BABIES! AND NOW YOU TELL ME TO WEAR THIS!!!!!! I've had enough of it, Elrond. ENOUGH!!!!"  
  
By the end of Gandalf's outburst, Pippin was hiding underneath a crib, trembling in fear. But Elrond wasn't. He simply stared back at Gandalf, cool as a cucumber and said "Gandalf, you have to wear that if you are going to work here. And since I told you that you are going to work here, you are going to wear that."  
  
Gandalf shot him an angry look, but pulled his on.   
  
"You too, Pippin." Said Elrond. "And I will be coming back periodically during the day to make sure that you are wearing them!"  
  
Elrond swept out of the room, leaving a VERY angry Gandalf and a VERY frightened Pippin behind.   
  
"Now, Peregrin, as I was saying before we were SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED, I want you to listen to ME and do as I SAY...especially since I am the PRIMARY caregiver." Pippin could see a smug grin spread across Gandalf's face. He knew Gandalf was slightly happy about being the "PRIMARY caregiver", at least, happier than he would have been if he had been named secondary.   
  
"Yes sir." Pippin said quietly. He looked up at the clock. Six twenty-nine. Knowing elves, they would all arrive precisely at six thirty, just like they were supposed to. He sat there, dreading the second when the minute hand would reach the six AND THE STARS WOULD BE PERFECTLY ALIGNED!!!!!!! Actually, they wouldn't, but it would be six thirty. The second hand slowly ticked around the clock, second, after second, after second, after second, after second, after second, after-  
  
BANG!!!! The door was thrown open, and through it came the longest stroller Pippin had ever seen. In it sat at least a dozen elf babies. The elf woman who was pushing it stepped forward and said "Hi, there were so many babies out in the streets this morning, that I decided to just pick them all up and bring them here before their parents forgot!"  
  
"Yes, that would be quite a tragedy, wouldn't it?" Gandalf said sarcastically. "Peregrin, help us get these babies out!"  
  
Pippin stepped forward and began trying to unbuckle the first elf baby. Gandalf and the elf who had brought them started at the back. After struggling for some time (mainly because the little elf seemed to find his hair very interesting and liked to pull it) Pippin finally got the buckle undone. "Okay, Gandalf, what do I do now?" Pippin asked.  
  
"For God's sake, Peregrin Took, don't tell me you don't know how to take a baby out of a stroller! PICK HIM UP!"  
  
"Um...how?" asked Pippin.  
  
Gandalf glared at him. "Like THIS." He said, trying hard to control his temper. He walked over to Pippin's baby (no, NOT as in, Pippin's BABY, Pippin doesn't have one. As in, the baby Pippin was trying to take out of the stroller). Gandalf picked the baby up, and then set him back in the stroller again. "Now, you try it." He commanded.  
  
"O...kay." said Pippin. "Um," he seized the baby underneath the arms and lifted it up.   
  
"Very good." Said Gandalf sardonically. "Now, hold him the way he's SUPPOSED to be held!"  
  
"Um..." said Pippin. He didn't really want to move, for fear he'd drop the baby.   
  
"You know what, never mind." Said Gandalf. He snatched the baby from Pippin's arms and set him in the nearest crib. "Now Pippin, that was a very nice baby you had there. Most babies would be crying and screaming by the time you were done with them, so you were lucky." Gandalf walked back to the end of the stroller and began unbuckling more babies.  
  
Pippin just stood there uncomfortably.  
  
"PEREGRIN TOOK, for the last time HELP US GET THE BABIES OUT!"  
  
"Yes sir!" Pippin walked back to the stroller. The next seat had a VERY tiny baby in it. "Maybe I could lift this one up," Pippin murmured to himself. He unbuckled the straps and ever so carefully lifted the baby up.   
  
"PEREGRIN TOOK, what ARE you doing?" Gandalf shouted. "Support his head! You're going to kill him!"  
  
"Yes sir!" Pippin cried. After several minutes of meticulously shifting the baby around, he managed to get it in a position where he could support his head and not drop him at the same time.   
  
"Thank God you did something right!" Gandalf said. "Go sit in your rocking chair with that one, he's too little to just put in a crib right now."  
  
Eternally grateful that he didn't have to lift any more babies up, Pippin sat down in his rocking chair with the baby (who had a lot of hair). He rocked back and forth, and watched Gandalf take the last baby out of the stroller. The elf woman smiled and cried "Have fun, you guys!"  
  
"Oh, I'm sure we will." Gandalf grumbled.  
  
She wheeled the stroller out of the room. Just as she did so, another elf woman came into the room. Gandalf looked incredibly relieved to see that she was carrying only one baby. She looked around nervously at the rows of cribs. "Um, hello." She said.  
  
"Hello." Gandalf said.  
  
"Um, listen, I have kind of a big favor to ask." She continued nervously.  
  
"What is it?" Gandalf asked, exasperated.  
  
"Well, see, this is my daughter, and she's six months old, and I KNOW she's mine too. I've managed to keep her for six whole months!"  
  
"Very impressive, now what were you going to ask?"  
  
"Yes, um, see, I really don't want to lose her, so could one of you, by any chance, hold her for the whole time? Just so I don't lose her." She looked expectantly at Gandalf.  
  
"Absolutely not." He said.  
  
"But-but, why not?"  
  
"Madame, are you aware that Peregrin and myself will be taking care of forty-one babies today? We cannot hold one of them all day long and ignore the others."  
  
"Well you don't have to hold her! Just keep track of her, okay?"  
  
"Here," said Gandalf. "Put her in crib number 12. And remember that number too. We won't take her out."  
  
"Thank you very much!" the woman said. She walked over and placed her baby in the twelfth crib just as another family of elves arrived.   
  
"Oh look! What a cute little boy!" the mother called, looking at Pippin. She walked over to him and pinched his cheek. "Did you come to help your grandpa at work today?" she asked.  
  
Gandalf exploded. "PEREGRIN TOOK IS NOT MY GRANDSON!!!!!"  
  
"I'm...sorry..." the elf woman whimpered from underneath a crib.   
  
"Yes, okay." The elf man continued for her. "We have a two-month-old, an eleven-month-old, a twenty-one-month-old, a thirty-two-month-old, and a forty-one-month-old."  
  
"I don't do months. How many of them are less than one year?" Gandalf asked in a bored tone.  
  
"I...just told you that." The elf said.  
  
"Yes, but you told me in months. Now, how many are less than one year old?"  
  
"Two."  
  
"Leave them in here."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Any that are one year old, take across the hall. Two year olds next door, and three year olds across the hall from next door." He said in monotone.  
  
"Thank you" the elf man said. He handed Gandalf two babies, which Gandalf immediately took to the next two available cribs.   
  
"At least no one is crying yet." He muttered to Pippin.   
  
"Shh...don't jinx it!" Pippin whispered back.   
  
But it was too late. The two-month-old began to cry, which started off the eleven-month old. Gandalf looked up sharply at their parents who rushed out the door. Next the baby in crib twelve started to cry, and on down the row. Soon, the only babies not crying were the one Pippin was holding, and the one who had played with Pippin's hair.   
  
Gandalf's face went pale. "And these are only the first fifteen!" he muttered. He walked over to the nearest crib and picked the baby up. "Okay, stop crying now!" he said in a sing-song voice as he bounced the baby up and down, but this only made her cry harder. "Okay, you REALLY need to stop crying!" he sang. The baby screamed. "PEREGRIN TOOK!"   
  
"Yes sir?" Pippin said nervously.  
  
"HELP ME!"  
  
"But...but you told me to hold-"  
  
"Yes, well put him in a crib for a moment. He's not crying!"  
  
"But you said he was too little to put in a crib!"  
  
"He is! But I don't really care at the moment!"  
  
Pippin set the baby in crib fifteen, and then looked down at the one in fourteen. "Um...Gandalf?"  
  
"WHAT IS IT?" Gandalf was now holding a baby in each arm and attempting to pick up a third.  
  
"How do I pick this baby up?"  
  
"The same way you picked up the other one!"   
  
Pippin stared back down at the baby, and then gently lifted her out of the crib. She stared at him with her big scary blue eyes, tears running down her cheeks. Again, he shifted her around carefully until he got her in the same position as the other one. Then he returned to his chair.  
  
"PEREGRIN TOOK!"  
  
"Yes sir?" This was getting to be a regular routine now.  
  
"Please go greet the people at the door!" said Gandalf, who was sitting in his chair, rocking five babies at one time.   
  
Pippin looked up to see about eight different elves, all carrying at least two babies at the door. "HI, AND WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF ELROND'S CHILDCARE CENTER!" Pippin shouted over the din. "PLEASE SET YOUR BABIES IN AN OPEN CRIB! IF THEY'RE GOING TO CRY, TAKE THEM HOME!"  
  
"HOW SHOULD WE KNOW IF THEY'RE GOING TO CRY?" One of the mothers shouted back. "THEY'RE NOT OUR KIDS!"  
  
"This is going to be a long day." Pippin said to no one in particular. "OKAY, SET THEM IN THE CRIBS." Pippin showed the "parents" the cribs. As he walked, he counted the babies. "THIRTY-THREE!" He yelled to Gandalf. "ONLY EIGHT MORE!"  
  
"OH JOY!" Gandalf yelled back.   
  
Pippin turned around to see even more elf parents at the door. "FOLLOW ME, I'LL SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THEM!" he said. The baby in his arms started crying even harder. Pippin walked the parents to the end of the last row of cribs. There were three babies left without cribs, plus the five Gandalf was rocking and the one Pippin was holding. "Okay, well, you can put them in swings, I guess...unless you want to take them home!" he added hopefully. But the parents put the babies in swings.   
  
By this time, some of the babies had realized that they weren't going to get any attention, so they stopped crying. It was at this moment that Pippin noticed crib twelve was empty. "GANDALF!" he screamed. "Where's the baby who was in crib twelve?"  
  
"I'm holding-OH MY GOD!"  
  
"Which one was she?" asked Pippin frantically.   
  
"I'm not sure...THREE OF THESE ARE GIRLS!"  
  
"They all look the same!" cried Pippin. "Well, which one looks most like six months old?"  
  
"They all do!" said Gandalf.  
  
"Okay, well..." Pippin set the baby he was holding down and picked up one of the girls from Gandalf's lap. "If we can't tell, her mother can't tell." He hefted the baby ino crib twelve. She immediately began to cry. "Shut up." Pippin said to her. She didn't listen. The baby he had previously been holding was quiet, so Pippin put her in a swing and picked up another (small) baby who was crying. Elf babies were much bigger than hobbit babies and he was having trouble lifting some of the larger ones.   
  
"Well, at least we have all the babies now, so we don't have to worry about any more coming in!" said Gandalf.  
  
Pippin sat back down in his chair, nervously rocking the baby, and trying hard to ignore the sounds of all the babies crying. After a couple of minutes of this, Gandalf couldn't take it anymore.  
  
"Okay, Peregrin, it's feeding time. I don't care whether they're hungry or not. Maybe if we feed them, they'll shut up."  
  
"An excellent idea...but, um..."  
  
"Let me guess, you don't know how?"  
  
"Yeah, that's about right."  
  
"You know, it would be a great service to me if you would go out and learn some of these things. My life would be so easy...or, well, easier than it is now, at least." He muttered something about wishing he had gone to the undying lands after all, and then set the five babies down on the floor and walked over to the cabinet. He pulled out a box of fifty plastic bottles and set them on the counter. "If any of these kids are allergic to the formula, that's just too bad. If they die, it'll make it easier on both of us!"  
  
"Gandalf!" cried Pippin, horrified.   
  
Gandalf paid no attention to him. "Okay, we have to do this in an orderly fashion. Are the cribs all numbered?"  
  
"Yes." Replied Pippin.   
  
"Okay, you take the evens, I'll take the odds, except don't touch the one in crib twelve. She may not even be the right baby anyway, but if she is, we're not going to risk messing it up." He began to fill the bottles with formula. "Here's what you'll do. Walk over here, grab a bottle, put it in the microwave for 15 seconds, make sure it's not too hot, then grab the baby and feed it. Once you're done, put the bottle in the sink, the baby back in the crib, and repeat. Don't feed the babies in the swings until I tell you to. IS THAT CLEAR?"  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Okay, let's get started." Gandalf handed Pippin a bottle of warm milk, then he walked back, picked up each of the five babies he had set on the floor, and put them in their cribs. Four of them were still crying.   
  
Pippin walked over to crib two and, with much difficulty, managed to lift the baby out of it. He made it back to his chair just before the baby fell out of his arms and then tried to hand the baby the bottle. The baby, however, did not seem at all interested in holding the bottle. "Um, Gandalf. This one doesn't really want it!" Pippin shouted.  
  
Gandalf got out of his chair, where he sat feeding the baby from crib number one (if you'll remember, that was the first baby that Pippin interacted with...he he he, I have a good memory!). "PEREGRIN TOOK! Do not hand him the bottle! PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!"  
  
"Okay..." Pippin said timidly. He put the bottle in the baby's mouth. It immediately stopped crying and began sucking. Pippin couldn't help but think that despite the fact that these babies were loud and annoying, they were incredibly cute.   
  
Once Pippin's baby had finished his bottle, Pippin picked him up (and very nearly dropped him) and walked over to put the bottle in the sink. The baby started crying again. No, not crying, SCREAMING. "Gandalf!" Pippin yelled. "What's wrong with him? Does he want more?"  
  
Gandalf looked up at him, very exasperated. "Did you burp him?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Like this." Gandalf demonstrated using the baby in his lap.   
  
"Oh, okay." Pippin, with much effort, lifted the baby up onto his shoulder and began hitting it on the back.  
  
"PEREGRIN TOOK! Are you trying to murder the baby?"  
  
"Um, no sir!"  
  
"Pat LIGHTLY!"  
  
"Yes sir." Pippin returned a now quiet and content baby to crib two, and moved on to crib four.   
  
The bottles kept the babies quiet for a little while, but all good things must come to an end. The babies started to get fussy again. Soon, they were all crying (well, most of them anyway). It seemed to be even louder than before, if that's at all possible.   
  
"PEREGRIN!" Gandalf shouted.  
  
"YES SIR?"  
  
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Gandalf set down the babies he was holding and walked up to Pippin. "Peregrin, get a couple of strollers and walk some of these babies up and down the hall." He said.  
  
"But...won't that disturb the other classes?" Pippin said.   
  
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE OTHER CLASSES! What I care about right now is MY class and MY class is DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!" Gandalf opened the closet door and pulled out two triple strollers. He started loading babies into one of them. "PEREGRIN TOOK!"  
  
"Yes sir?"  
  
"HELP ME!!!!"  
  
Pippin rushed to the nearest crying baby, which just happened to be the one in crib number ten. He strapped her into the stroller and then picked up the one in crib number eleven. Next he headed for crib twelve.  
  
"PEREGRIN TOOK!"   
  
"Yes sir?" Pippin was getting quite bored of saying that all the time.  
  
"That's crib TWELVE!"  
  
"Oh yeah, sorry!"   
  
Gandalf rolled the now-loaded strollers to the door. Pippin began rolling them out, but Gandalf stopped him. "You can take more babies with you!" he cried.  
  
"No I can't!" Pippin replied.  
  
"Yes you can!"  
  
"How?"  
  
"You've got two arms, don't you?"  
  
"Well, yes, but-"  
  
Gandalf placed two VERY small babies in Pippin's arms. Pippin was grateful that they were small, but he didn't really know how to push the strollers now.  
  
"Um, Gandalf? How do I push the strollers?"  
  
"With your knees, now out into the hallway!"   
  
Pippin inched out into the hallway with the eight babies. Gandalf slammed the door. "Now, how do I turn?" Pippin wondered aloud. He was getting rather nervous. The babies' cries were echoing all around the hallway, and he didn't want to disrupt anyone else. He knew that Legolas and Gimli were probably having a hard time with the one-year-olds, because Elrond had said they cried the most. Well, the babies cried a lot too, but that's not the point. Sam and Merry had no clue what they were doing, and Pippin didn't want to make things worse for them. As for Frodo and Aragorn, well...he didn't really know what to say about them. As he inched up and down the hallway, he could hear screams and cries, and the occasional sound of breaking glass followed by loud, not-so-nice words from Aragorn coming from the three-year-old room. Thankfully, the babies seemed to be quieting down. In fact, they were almost completely quiet, except for the occasional whimper.   
  
Suddenly, the door to the three-year-old room burst open, and Aragorn came running out. He slammed the door behind him and leaned against the wall, breathing hard.   
  
"Um, hello Aragorn!" said Pippin.  
  
"Oh, Pippin! Hey!" he said. "My god, this is a nightmare! I am NEVER having children!"  
  
One of the babies in the stroller chose that precise moment to let out a loud shriek. Another one started crying, and then the rest, except for the two in Pippin's arms, chimed in.  
  
"You look like you're having fun." Aragorn commented.   
  
"Oh yes." Said Pippin. "But at least I'm away from Gandalf."  
  
"He being pretty hard on you?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Just a little." Pippin said. "What are you out here for?"  
  
"I'm having issues with those kids." He said. "One of them threw my sword OUT THE WINDOW!"  
  
"Oh my goodness!" Pippin cried. "I guess I'm kind of glad I don't have your group."  
  
"Hey man, I don't really think there's a single age that would be a whole lot of fun. But anyway, I have to go borrow some cookies from Sam and Merry, and then I gotta get back in there. I can't leave Frodo alone for too long."  
  
"Alright, see ya!"   
  
Aragorn knocked on the door across the hall, and Pippin painstakingly turned the strollers around and pushed them back up the hall the other way. His arms were getting tired holding the two babies, but he really didn't want to go back into the baby room with Gandalf.   
  
"Pippin!"   
  
Pippin jumped and whipped around, causing the babies he was carrying to start crying again. He had turned in a full circle when he finally saw Legolas's head poking out of the door to the one-year-old room.  
  
"Having fun?" Legolas opened the door all the way. He was clutching a little elf girl to his hip. She was giggling and playing with his hair.  
  
"Yeah, it's just great." Pippin said sarcastically.  
  
"Well, it really is going great in here! Hardly anybody's crying anymore! We're having a great time, aren't we Onna?" he tickled the little girl and she giggled and pulled his hair. "Ow! Pippin, why don't you come into our room. Gimli loves babies, and I'm sure we could help get some of these guys quiet." He turned back to the little girl. "Onna, let's look at the babies!"   
  
Legolas led Pippin into the room, and then he set the little girl down and took the first baby out of one of the strollers. He sat down on the floor and rocked the baby in his arms. She opened her eyes and stopped crying immediately. Instead, she blew a raspberry and reached her arms up to hug him. Onna, the elf girl Legolas had been holding earlier, toddled over and joined in the hugfest.  
  
"How did you do that?" Pippin asked.   
  
Legolas set the now happy baby on the floor with Onna, and took another little girl out of the stroller. She immediately stopped crying also. Pippin's jaw dropped.   
  
"He can only do that with girls." Gimli commented, from the other side of the little wall. "The boys don't care if he's pretty or not, just the girls."  
  
For the first time, Pippin noticed that all of the children on Legolas's side of the wall were girls, and all the children on Gimli's side were boys.   
  
"Of course, I think he's very pretty too." Gimli walked up to the wall. "Hand me one of the boys there, Pippin."  
  
Pippin gave Gimli one of the screaming boys he was holding and then sat down (or, rather, up) in Legolas's elf-sized rocking chair with the other baby.   
  
Pippin sat with Legolas and Gimli for a few hours, laughing and talking, interrupted only once by Elrond who popped in to make sure that everyone was wearing their uniforms, and once by Aragorn who needed to borrow Gimli's battle axe (nobody really wanted to know why) before he started noticing something strange. There was silence...well, almost. He could still hear the three-year-olds screaming (he felt very bad for Aragorn and Frodo but was not at all willing to go help them), but he no longer heard the babies crying from across the hall. He stood up. "Thank you guys so much for helping me," he said, "but it's almost time for the parents to come and pick them up, so I'm going back to my room now." Legolas and Gimli helped Pippin get all the babies back in the strollers, and he pushed them across the hall to the baby room.   
  
When he opened the door, he found that all the lights were turned off. The babies were asleep in their cribs, as was Gandalf (except he was asleep in his chair). Pippin left the babies in the stroller and then took the two he was holding and put them in swings. He wanted to return to his chair, but he didn't feel like he had the strength to do that, so he just sprawled out on the floor instead.  
  
When he woke up, all of the babies were gone, and the sun was just peeking over the hilltops. Gandalf was bustling around the room, adjusting cribs and folding blankets. "Oh, Peregrin, you're up. Welcome to your second day of working at the House of Elrond's Childcare Center."  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!?!"   
  
A/N: Okey-day! That was the chapter. Next one should come tomorrow or the next day and it will be about Legolas and Gimli. Guys, I'm sorry that they're so gay in this story. I try hard to make them not gay, but it never works. It just seems so natural for them to be gay, and when I start writing about them, it just always comes out...I'm sure they're not really gay. 


	4. Legolas and Gimli

A/N: Okay, here's the chapter. It's not as good as the other ones...sorry. And I decided to not even try to make them un-gay because that would just mess the whole thing up.   
  
Legolas and Gimli sat in their rocking chairs, each on their own half of the room (Gimli got the one with the slide that actually had a little house underneath it which positively fascinated the dwarf) awaiting the arrival of the children. It was almost six-thirty when Elrond burst into the room, panting, out of breath, and holding a pink thing in his hand.  
  
"I almost forgot!" he gasped. "You two need your uniforms!"  
  
"Uniforms?" Gimli asked, confused.  
  
"Yes, see?" Elrond held up the pink smocks for them to see.  
  
"PINK! PRETTY!" Gimli cried. He swiped the smock from Elrond's hand.  
  
"No way. I'm am NOT wearing PINK! I am a MAN!" Legolas cried. He struck a "manly" pose.  
  
Elrond gave him a strange look. "You're an elf. No, no, Gimli. That one isn't yours. They have your names on them, see?" Elrond unfolded the one in his hand. It said "Gimli, Son of Gloin: Secondary Caregiver-One Year Olds".  
  
"What? I'm secondary?" sputtered Gimli.  
  
"Yeah," said Legolas, who was looking at the one Gimli had handed him. "And I'm primary!"  
  
"How come he's primary and I'm secondary?" Gimli demanded angrily.  
  
"Because he's an elf and you're a dwarf." Elrond said sweetly. "Plus, he's prettier."  
  
"That makes sense." Gimli remarked. "Now, let me put this on...it's so pretty!"   
  
Elrond turned to Legolas, who was reluctantly buttoning his uniform. "Now, some of the parents may not be too happy about leaving their children with a dwarf, so you have to convince them that it's okay. That's why you're the primary caregiver-"  
  
"-Elrond?"  
  
"That's LORD Elrond to you, dwarf!"  
  
"Yeah, um, Lord Elrond, I don't really think this fits."   
  
"Nonsense, it's one size fits...all..." Elrond and Legolas turned to look at Gimli. The shirt hung down past his knees, but was waaaaaaaay too tight across the chest and stomach, in fact, buttons were bursting off before their very eyes. "Um..." said Elrond. "Why don't you just wear it unbuttoned for now?"  
  
"Okay." Said Gimli, looking doubtful.  
  
"Well, I'll be leaving now! Don't take off your uniforms!" Elrond swept out of the room.   
  
As soon as he was out the door, Legolas pulled off his uniform. "There is NO WAY I am going to wear that!"   
  
"Aww...but Leggy, you looked so cute!" said Gimli.  
  
"Don't you DARE call me that!"  
  
"What's the matter, Leggy? Are we in a bad mood today?"  
  
Legolas dashed over to the counter, picked up one of his knives, and hurled it at Gimli, who let out a shriek and threw himself into the little house underneath the slide. The knife embedded itself in the plastic.   
  
"Oh...my." Legolas turned around to see an elf woman standing at the door, holding the hand of a little elf girl. She was staring in complete shock at Gimli and the knife fixed in the plastic slide. "Is this...is this the one-year-old class?"  
  
"Yes," said Legolas, pulling on his uniform again. "Um, I'm Legolas of Mirkwood, and that's Gimli...Gimli, come out please."  
  
Gimli tried to exit through the same little window he had come in, but soon discovered that without the running start he'd had before, his shoulders just would not fit through. "Um, I'm actually, um...cleaning! Yes, we have to clean everything in the classroom before the children come and I'm just finishing up!" he smiled falsely at the elf mother and tried to go back into the house, but couldn't move either way. Finally, he managed to wriggle his way back into the little house, and sat there in a very cramped position pretending to clean.   
  
Legolas, seeing the situation Gimli was in said "Yes, why don't you just leave her here with us, and everything will be just fine!"  
  
"Okay..." said the mother, still looking very unsure. "Well, this is Onna, she's fourteen months, and just to warn you, she'll probably cry for a while."  
  
"Oh goody." Said Legolas under his breath. "I'm sure she'll be okay." He said to the mother.   
  
The elf woman picked her daughter up and said "Mommy has to go keep Lord Elrond from going insane. You're going to stay here and play, and Mommy will be-"  
  
Onna didn't even let her mother finish the sentence. As soon as she caught sight of Legolas, she reached her arms out to him.  
  
"Onna, listen to me." The elf tried to get her daughter's attention back, but it wasn't working. The little girl struggled out of her mother's arms and ran straight to Legolas, reaching up to him. He picked her up, and she put her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder. "Well...I guess she'll be okay then." Her mother said, looking slightly hurt. She turned and left.  
  
"Hey Onna? Can I put you down?" Legolas asked hesitantly. "We need to go help Gimli get out of that...thing." he said. He set the little girl on the ground, but she clung onto his hand and wouldn't let go. "Well, I guess this is better than nothing." He said to himself. He and Onna walked VERY slowly (Onna wasn't the worlds greatest walker) over to Gimli. Legolas surveyed the situation and said "Okay, dude, you can just lift the slide up and crawl under it."  
  
"I can?" said Gimli, bewildered.  
  
"Yes, it really isn't that heavy."  
  
"Okay, whatever you say Leggy...erm, Prince Legolas." Gimli placed his hands on the ceiling of the little house and pushed the slide up. To his amazement, it was incredibly light and he was able to get out, although he did tip over the slide in the process.   
  
"Um...hi?"   
  
Legolas and Gimli whipped around to see four more mothers, each with three children.   
  
"Oh, hi, uh, just cleaning the slide!" Gimli said cheerfully.   
  
Legolas picked Onna up again and walked over to the mothers. "Hi, I'm Legolas of Mirkwood, and this is Gimli and we...um, yeah. We'll be taking care of your kids."  
  
"Oh, they're not our kids. We just picked them up off the streets."  
  
"Then how do you know that they're one year old?" Gimli asked.  
  
"We don't, but we're guessing."  
  
"Okay...that works too, I guess." Said Legolas, slightly confused. "Um, you can just leave them here and they'll be fine."  
  
"Okay!" said one of the mothers. She pushed the three children into the room and the rest of the mothers followed suit. Then they all scampered out the door.   
  
Immediately one of the little girls began to cry. Gimli waltzed over to her and lifted her up. "Aren't you just the most precious thing?" he said in a falsetto voice. The girl screamed and wriggled out of his arms. She landed on the ground (which wasn't too far away from Gimli's arms) and ran over to the door, trying in vain to reach the handle.   
  
Legolas looked at Gimli. "Um, do you want me to try to calm her down?" he asked doubtfully.  
  
"You better." Gimli went back to sit in his rocking chair by the slide. Two of the little boys followed him and began to play with some building blocks.  
  
Legolas set Onna on the ground and turned back to the screaming girl. He gently touched her shoulder and she turned around. The moment she saw his face, she stopped crying. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his leg. Onna, who seemed to be a bit jealous, toddled over and wrapped her arms around his other leg. Legolas, with a lot of difficulty, managed to detach them. Onna reached up to him and he picked her up. The other little girl, who seemed to be a lot older than Onna, walked over to one of the shelves and sat playing with a teething ring (but not teething on it).  
  
"Wait, okay," said Legolas, "we need to put the older children on your side and the younger ones on mine."  
  
"Yeah, alright." Said Gimli. He looked around him and saw that the children had divided themselves up, boys on one side, girls on the other. "Um, we don't really know how old they are..." he said to himself. He looked around and immediately saw that one of the little boys wasn't even walking yet. He grabbed him around the middle and picked him up. "You get to go hang out with Leggy, isn't that great?" he said to the baby. Gimli walked up to the wall and set the baby down on Legolas' side.   
  
Legolas looked at all of the girls. Most of them needed to go on Gimli's side. He put Onna down and picked up one of the older girls. He set her down over the wall next to Gimli. She began to scream and tried to climb over the wall. Meanwhile, the baby that Gimli had set down started crying also.  
  
Legolas and Gimli looked at each other. "Maybe we should just let them go where they want to."  
  
"Yeah, okay." Legolas picked the girl back up and she instantly stopped crying. The same thing occurred with Gimli and the boy.   
  
As all of this was taking place, more and more children were arriving. By six thirty-four, Legolas had counted thirty-nine lovely blonde heads (including his own) and one ugly orangey-brown one (that one was Gimli's).  
  
Legolas and Gimli sat back and watched the children play happily together for a couple of hours. There was the occasional squabble over a toy, and a few tears, but mostly the elf and the dwarf just relaxed. As he relaxed, Legolas heard with his lovely, and quite accurate, elven ears many different sounds coming from other rooms. From the baby room he heard lots of crying and screaming, and the sound of Gandalf yelling at Pippin. From the two-year-old room he could hear shrieks and laughter, and the sounds of Merry and Sam fighting. The three-year-old room was what most intrigued him, however. He heard screams and yells, swords swishing through the air, and lots of shouting coming from Aragorn. He wasn't quite sure what all of the swords were for, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know either.   
  
Legolas soon fell asleep. The room was full of quiet and content children, and he hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night, so he felt it was okay to do so. All too soon (or so it seemed to him) he was shaken awake by Gimli.   
  
"Legolas, these kids are hungry."  
  
"Give them a snack."  
  
"They're tired too."  
  
"After snack time, have naptime."   
  
"You're so smart! That's what I love about you!" Gimli skipped over to the counter and opened the bag of cookies. "Okay, everyone! Come sit down and I'll give you a cookie!" All of the little boys (except for the ones too young to understand) rushed over and sat down on the rug. "Legolas, the girls will only listen to you."  
  
"Okay," he said "Girls, come sit down." Most of them obeyed.  
  
It took a while for Legolas and Gimli to get the littler children to sit down, but it was finally accomplished. Gimli handed out cookies, and Legolas handed out sippie cups of apple juice. Then they sat down on the floor to feed the younger ones. All was peaceful.   
  
"You know, Gimli, I really wonder what is going on in the three-year-old class." Legolas said, as he handed cheerios, one-by-one, to Onna who was seated in his lap.  
  
"I don't know. I thought I heard breaking glass a few minutes ago, but I could be wrong."  
  
"I don't think you are. I heard it too."  
  
"Poor Frodo." Gimli said, disentangling the baby in his lap's hand from his beard. "He just got back from saving the world and nearly died, and just when he thought he was finally going to get some rest and relaxation, they tell him to teach pre-school."  
  
"Yeah, well, I feel really bad for Aragorn. He totally had it made. I mean, King of Gondor, really hot wife, tons of money and all that stuff, and now he's running around chasing after a bunch of three-year-olds." Legolas pushed Onna's hand out of his face. "Stop it, I don't want them!" he said, as she tried yet again to feed him a cheerio.  
  
"We're pretty lucky though. I mean, this has got to be the best class. They're all so quiet!"   
  
"Yeah. But be careful, they might start crying again!"  
  
After snack time was over, and Legolas and Gimli had managed to clean all of the crumbs off of the floor, they began the difficult task of getting the children to take naps. There were four cribs, and then some mats and blankets that Elrond had given them to use. Gimli put two boys into cribs and somehow got the rest to spread out on the floor. Legolas had a much easier time getting the girls to lie down on the floor. He put one baby into a crib, tried to put Onna in the other one, but she wouldn't let go of him, so he finally gave up, and sat down in his rocking chair with her on his lap. Gimli turned out the lights, and then sat back down in his chair, spreading a lovely pink blanket over himself.  
  
Most of the children on the floor fell asleep quite easily, and the rest were at least still and quiet, but Onna was another story. She would not stop moving around. She kept pulling Legolas' hair, and hitting him in the face. When he tried to put her down, she would grab onto his leg and climb back up again. After about twenty minutes, she finally got tired of this, and let her head fall back onto his chest. A few minutes later she was asleep. Legolas said a silent thank you to the gods.  
  
Just as soon as everyone had calmed down, the door was flung open. Sam came rushing in, followed by Merry and a whole bunch of two-year-olds. "WE'VE LOST ONE OF OUR KIDS!!!" He cried. "HAVE YOU SEEN HER?"   
  
All of the one-year-olds woke up, and most of them started crying. Gimli tried to settle them down, while Legolas took Sam out into the hallway to talk. Onna, who did not seem to like Sam very much, tightened her grip around Legolas' neck and buried her head in his shoulder. "Okay, Sam, thank you so much for waking up our class." He said sarcastically. "Now, what was your problem again?"  
  
"We can't find one of our kids!" answered Merry, who was trying to get all of the two-year-olds out of Legolas and Gimli's classroom.   
  
"Why can't you find him...her?"  
  
"Well, you see, we decided to take the kids outside to let out some of their energy..." Sam trailed off.  
  
"It was his idea!" said Merry, giving Sam a dirty look.  
  
"And we came back inside..." Sam shot a dirty look back at Merry.  
  
"And when we counted, we only had thirty-four and we really have to find this kid now!" Merry finished.  
  
"Sorry guys, but I haven't seen her. And Gimli and I are kind of busy at the moment, so we can't help you look either." Legolas went back into the classroom and began trying to calm down the girls. He finally succeeded, and also managed to get Onna to stay in a crib, though he had to sit in his chair right next to her, or she'd try to climb out.  
  
The children stayed asleep for a surprisingly long time. Finally, they began to whine, and Gimli turned the lights back on. Once again, the children separated themselves into boys and girls, and played very peacefully. Legolas and Gimli were very happy with their class and the way things were going so far.   
  
Soon, they began hearing the sound of multiple babies crying coming from out in the hallway. The cries would die down and then get louder again. At first, Legolas and Gimli chose to ignore them, as they were not really interested in helping anyone else with their class, but finally, Legolas could stand it no longer. "I'm going to see who that is and what is going on." He told Gimli. Onna reached up to Legolas, and he once again picked her up. Then he walked to the door, and opened it just a tiny bit. He saw the strangest sight he had ever seen in his life.   
  
It was Pippin, pushing two baby strollers, three babies in each, WITH HIS KNEES and holding one baby in each arm. He was inching up the hallway, looking very nervous. One of the babies began to whine. "No! You cannot start crying! PLEASE don't start crying!" Pippin murmured.   
  
"Pippin!" said Legolas.  
  
Pippin jumped and turned around in a full circle before he saw Legolas. The babies in his arms had started to cry again.   
  
"Having fun?" he asked. Legolas opened the door all the way. Onna, seeing Pippin, began to giggle like crazy. She ran her hands through Legolas's hair.   
  
Pippin looked at Legolas wearily. "Yeah, it's just great." He answered.  
  
"Well, it really is going great in here! Hardly anybody's crying anymore! We're having a great time, aren't we Onna?" he tickled her. She giggled harder and then pulled his hair really hard. "Ow! Pippin, why don't you come into our room? Gimli loves babies, and I'm sure we could help get some of these guys quiet. Onna, let's look at the babies!"  
  
Pippin followed Legolas into the one-year-old room. Legolas and Gimli helped quiet down all of the babies very quickly. Pippin looked amazed.  
  
"So, how's it been going with Gandalf?" Gimli asked once all of the babies were quiet and content.  
  
"Oh god, don't even talk about him!" Pippin shook his head. "He's driving me crazy. He thinks he knows everything, which he probably does, but he expects me to know everything too! And we have so many babies, oh, I have the worst headache. They just will not stop crying. We had to feed all of them and that was really difficult because most of them are too heavy for me to lift. And then Gandalf told me to walk up and down the hall with all these babies. I really hope I didn't disturb your class, but I wasn't about to disobey him, you know..."  
  
Gimli and Legolas listened to Pippin spill out his soul (well, not really spill out his soul, but they listened to him complain about Gandalf) for a while. It actually got quite boring and annoying after a while, so they were really very happy when Pippin's story was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Come in!" cried Gimli in a girly voice.  
  
Elrond swept through the door. "Just making sure everyone is wearing their uniforms!" He surveyed the room. "Good, good. Glad to see that everyone is following the rules!" He swept out as quickly as he had swept in.  
  
"Okay..." said Pippin. "Anyway, on with my story-"  
  
"I have a better idea." Said Gimli. "Let's talk about something less depressing!"  
  
So they talked and talked. They talked about old times, when they were on their first mission for Elrond (which had proved to be a lot more fun than the current one). They talked about what they had been doing since, and had a few good laughs. Pippin was in the middle of telling them about Merry's sad and unfortunate love life when the door banged open. "Gimli, I need to borrow your axe!" said Aragorn.  
  
"What? Borrow my axe?"  
  
"Yes. These kids are killing me!"  
  
"I won't ask." Said Gimli, getting up to retrieve his axe.  
  
"Thank you so much!" said Aragorn, taking the axe. "Hey, I don't know if you heard, but Sam and Merry found that kid they lost."  
  
"Oh really? That's good to hear! Where was she?" asked Gimli.  
  
"Well, you see, THEY weren't the ones who actually found her...Elrond did!" Aragorn said, smirking.  
  
Legolas laughed. "He wasn't too happy, was he?"   
  
"Definitely not. Apparently, she interrupted some big important council. Elrond was really mad."  
  
"I bet. He really likes his councils."  
  
"Yeah, he marched her back up here. I saw him coming in with her and yelling at Sam and Merry when I was in their room borrowing some cookies. Sam and Merry don't really seem to be getting along at all." He shook his head. "They're worse than you and Gandalf." He added, looking at Pippin.  
  
Suddenly, there was a loud crash and a bunch of shrieks, followed by the sound of screams and cries.  
  
"Oh god, not another window! I've gotta go help Frodo get this under control. Thanks for the axe!" Aragorn dashed out into the hallway.  
  
"Well, that was...interesting." said Gimli.  
  
A little while later, Pippin decided that he had to leave because it was almost time for the "parents" to come pick up the children. Legolas and Gimli helped him get the babies back in the strollers, he picked the two littlest ones up, and then inched out into the hallway.  
  
"Well," said Legolas to Gimli. "It's been an interesting and tiring day, but we better get all of this stuff cleaned up before the parents get here." They were able to get every single toy picked up and put back on the shelf a few seconds before the first parents arrived. They were very proud of themselves.  
  
By five-thirty, all of the children except for two, Onna and the little boy who couldn't walk, had been picked up. Legolas thought he had seen Onna's mother come in and take another little girl, but he couldn't be sure. Suddenly, Elrond came into the room.   
  
"Come on! We're having a council to discuss your first day at work!" he cried excitedly.  
  
"You really like councils, don't you?" Gimli said.  
  
"I most certainly do. Council is such a nice word. It means 'an appointed or elected body of people with an administrative advisory, or representative function.' Isn't that a nice definition?"  
  
"Sure." Said Legolas. "But there's just a tiny problem." He gestured towards Onna and the little boy, who were playing together on the floor. "Their parents haven't come yet."  
  
"Oh, well if they haven't come yet, they probably forgot about them. Just bring them with you to the council. It's not a problem!" Elrond flashed them a smile.  
  
"What? But what if their parents do come?"   
  
"Then they will assume that someone else has picked up their child and they will not care. I told you, it's not a problem. Now come on!"  
  
Legolas and Gimli looked at each other. "Whatever." and they followed Elrond.   
  
A/N: YAY! Finished with that one. Next chapter is about Sam and Merry, and it may not be up until Monday, just depending on what stuff I have to do this weekend. 


	5. Sam and Merry

A/N: Ack! Sorry. The weekend was really fun. LOTS of babysitting and hanging out with my best mellon (friend...for some reason I just think it's the funniest thing that the word friend is mellon in elvish...yeeee). I did have to paint a couple of pictures for a project and that wasn't fun. I'm a terrible artist. ANYWAY...I know I talk too much...here is the next chapter. I know you guys don't really care about this one, but you're just going to have to wait for Frodo and Aragorn. Hopefully, you'll find this one slightly amusing.  
  
Sam paced around the classroom for what seemed like the hundredth time to Merry who was seated in a big plastic chair next to the counter. "Sam, would you please stop doing that?"   
  
"Stop doing what?"  
  
"Stop walking around like that!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because it's annoying!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because it just is!"  
  
"But why?"  
  
"Why are you acting like this?"  
  
"Because you're getting all on my back for walking!"  
  
"You're not just walking! You're like, pacing around in circles and it's aggravating me!"  
  
"But I don't understand WHY it's aggravating you!"  
  
"IT JUST IS!"  
  
"BUT WHY?"  
  
"Because...it's just so-"  
  
"UNIFORMS!!!!!!!!!"   
  
Sam and Merry jumped and turned around.  
  
Elrond pranced into the room. "I have some lovely uniforms for you to wear now that you are official employees of-"  
  
"Employees? You mean we're getting paid?" Merry said eagerly.  
  
"Um...no." Elrond cleared his throat. "But you are getting to wear these lovely uniforms." He held up the uniforms. "See? They're pink!"  
  
"PINK!?!" Merry cried in disgust.  
  
"Yes. Gimli likes pink."  
  
"I'm sure he does, but-"  
  
Sam cut in, "Now Merry, don't argue with Lord Elrond!"   
  
"I'll do what I want to!"  
  
"Boys, boys!" Elrond shook his finger at them. "Mustn't argue in front of the children. They'll get the wrong idea. Now, put on your uniforms, and I'll be coming back at some point to make sure you're still wearing them! Have a great day!" Elrond pranced back out of the room.  
  
Sam and Merry looked at each other and shrugged. Elrond sure was a weird guy. Then they each grabbed a uniform and put it on.  
  
"Hey Merry!"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You're wearing my uniform!"  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Because it has my name on the back!"  
  
"Fine." Merry took off his uniform and handed it to Sam, and Sam did the same.   
  
"Hey look! I'm a primary caregiver! I wonder what that means..." Sam turned to Merry. "Are you a primary caregiver too?"  
  
Merry turned his uniform over. It read 'Meriadoc Brandybuck: Secondary Caregiver-Two-Year-Olds,' "No, I'm a secondary caregiver." Said Merry. "I wonder what that means too."  
  
"I think I know! It means I'm in charge and you're just here to help me if I need it!" Sam cried, ecstatic. He started pacing around the room again. "Wow. I've never been in charge before! This will be so much fun! It'll be just like going on that mission to destroy the ring, except this time I'm going to be Mr. Frodo, and you're going to be me!" he said to Merry.  
  
"And we're babysitting." Merry said bluntly.   
  
"What's that got to do with anything?"  
  
"Well," said Merry, "last time you and Frodo were trying to destroy the most evil thing in the world to save Middle Earth, but this time you're just teaching pre-school!"  
  
Sam drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't very tall, and puffed out his chest. "Just teaching pre-school? JUST teaching pre-school? Do you know what a wonderful service we are doing for Lord Elrond? DO YOU KNOW what a great deed we are doing for the elves of Middle Earth? They need us! AND WE WILL DELIVER! In a way, this could mean just as much as taking the ring to Mount Doom!"  
  
"I'm sure." said Merry.  
  
"What are you so sure about?" a voice demanded from behind him.  
  
Merry turned to see three elves standing at the door, all with at least four children in tow, one of them pushing a quadruple stroller. "Um..." he said.  
  
The one with the stroller scowled at him. "Because I wouldn't be so sure if I were you." she said accusingly.  
  
Another elf laid a hand on her arm. "Now, never you mind about him!" she smiled at Merry. "She hasn't had her coffee this morning, she just woke up." She turned back to the glowering elf. "Come on, we'll just leave these babies here and then we can head off to the cafŽ for your latte. Could you come help me get these kids in here, sweetheart?" she added to Merry.  
  
"No, no, Merry! Stay put!" Sam rushed over and threw his arm out to stop Merry from taking another step. "I'm the primary caregiver, I'll handle this!"  
  
Merry glared at him, but Sam was paying no attention. He was busy helping the children get settled into the room.   
  
Merry walked off into a corner of the room to sulk. He hadn't been there long, when he heard an earsplitting shriek, and one of the children began to wail.   
  
"Merry, come here!"  
  
"What?" he snapped.  
  
"Do you know how to make kids stop crying?"  
  
"I thought you were the primary caregiver. Shouldn't you know this stuff?" Merry spat.  
  
Sam's face turned red. "Yes, well, you see-"  
  
"Never mind." Merry turned his back on Sam and walked over to the little girl who was crying. He sat down next to her and pulled her into his lap. "What's the matter? Was the primary caregiver mean to you?" he asked very loudly, so as to make sure that Sam heard him.   
  
The little girl just kept crying.  
  
Merry put his arms around her and rocked back and forth. Gradually, she began to quiet down. "What's your name?" Merry asked her.  
  
"S-Selda." she replied in a soft, high voice.  
  
"Selda, do you want to go play with the other kids?" asked Sam, who had been watching Merry very closely.   
  
Selda twisted around in Merry's lap and buried her head in his shoulder.  
  
"I think that means no." Merry said pointedly. "Why don't you go and supervise some of the kids over there?"  
  
"An excellent idea. They do need supervision!" Sam scurried over to the reading corner where about six children were playing together very nicely and not looking the slightest bit in need of supervision.   
  
"Selda, are you alright now?" Merry asked her quietly.  
  
"No. He's a...a scary...big...and scary and mean." She babbled.  
  
"You're right about that." Merry muttered.  
  
As this was taking place, more children were being dropped off. By seven o'clock, all thirty-five of the expected two-year-olds were running around and playing together. A large group had gathered around Merry who was entertaining them with a story about at time that he and Pippin had almost been caught stealing vegetables from Farmer Maggot's field.  
  
"So we were running through the field, and then we heard all of this barking, see, because Farmer Maggot had let his dogs loose, and so we-"  
  
"Merry, what are you doing?"  
  
"Merry rolled his eyes which made Selda giggle. "I'm telling a story, O Primary One. Is there a problem with that?"  
  
"Now, now, you really mustn't be disrespectful like that. I may have to send you to time out."  
  
"Sam, you can't send me to time out just because you're 'primary'. It doesn't work that way!"  
  
"I can and I will if you say anything else that is disrespectful. Now, continue with your story if you must."  
  
Merry turned back to the children. "So anyway, we were running away from these dogs, and-"  
  
"Merry!"  
  
"What?" he snapped.  
  
"Um, can you take this girl to the bathroom?"  
  
"You're the primary caregiver. I'm surprised you'd trust me with something like that."  
  
"Well, normally I wouldn't, but I don't want to leave you here with all of these kids by yourself."  
  
"Fine, whatever." Merry stood up to leave, when Selda let out a wail. The rest of the children who had been sitting with Merry began crying also. Two of them latched onto Merry's legs and wouldn't let go. "Shh! It's okay, I'm coming right back!" he said. This just made them cry harder.  
  
Sam's face went white. "You know, on the other hand Merry, I think you'll be okay if it's just for a couple of minutes." Sam took the hand of a little girl and guided her to the door of the classroom.  
  
From the safety of Merry's lap, Selda watched as he passed by and said "You're a meanie!" in a barely audible voice.   
  
"It's a good thing he didn't hear that." Merry scolded her. "He would have been very angry!"  
  
Soon, Sam returned to the classroom and the two caregivers watched the children play as the tension between them mounted. "Okay, time for cookies." Sam said.  
  
"Cookies? But it's eight o'clock in the morning!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"Well, shouldn't we wait until they get hungry to give them some cookies?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay, fine. You're the primary caregiver." Merry said sarcastically, "But I don't think it's a very good idea."  
  
"You just wait and see. You keep acting like you know more about kids than I do, but you don't. Besides, I've got a big notebook full of suggestions and you don't, so there!"  
  
Merry stood in the corner and watched uneasily as Sam handed out cookie after cookie to the children. "Well, one thing you can say about Elrond is that he does stay true to his word." He muttered to himself. Elrond had indeed given them PLENTY of cookies. There were three whole cabinets containing nothing but cookies, and a few more drawers full of a DIFFERENT BRAND of cookies...Elrond really supported those girl scouts.   
  
Merry sighed and pulled a chair up in front of him so that he could sit down and watch the children slowly succumb to the power of too much sugar, and be entertained by viewing Sam's reaction to it all. "Sam DOES NOT know more about kids than I do." He grumbled spitefully.   
  
A few minutes later, Selda, who seemed to have grown tired of cookies, came to sit on Merry's lap and observe the action that was to come. Merry smiled and bounced her up and down on his knee. She giggled and clapped her hands. Soon, the two star-struck lovers (okay, not really. That's actually pretty nasty; I was just kidding) had become absorbed in a game of peek-a-boo and sing-song time. There were in the middle of the sixteenth verse of "If You're Happy and You Know It" when they were very rudely interrupted.  
  
"If you're happy and you know it flutter your eyelashes!" flutter flutter. "If you're happy and you know it flutter your eyelashes!" flutter flutter. "If you're happy and you know it, then your face will-"  
  
"MERRY!"  
  
Merry stared at Sam coldly. "What do you want now?"  
  
"Merry, I think these kids have had too much sugar."  
  
"Do you really?" Merry asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And whose fault would that be?"  
  
Sam glared at Merry. "Listen, they need to let some of their energy out, so I think we should take them outside for a little while."  
  
"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?" Merry screamed.  
  
"What? No!" Sam said. "I just think they need to let out their energy!"  
  
"Sam, there is no fenced in place in Rivendell. The kids will run wild like maniacs and we will never be able to find them all again."  
  
"Listen, I'm the primary caregiver and I say that we're letting the kids outside to play, so we are, no questions asked."   
  
"Okay, but if anything bad happens, it's your fault. You're the primary caregiver after all." Merry said.  
  
They spent about twenty minutes trying to get all of the kids lined up and ready to go outside. Their first few attempts were quite unsuccessful because the children were practically bouncing off the walls, but they finally managed to accomplish the task, and Sam led them down the hallway. Merry, holding Selda's hand, brought up the rear. As they passed the other classes, he could hear lots of sounds coming from inside. The three-year-old class did not seem at all okay, and neither did the babies. "I feel so bad for Pippin, Selda!" Merry said to her.  
  
"Uh-huh!" she said brightly.  
  
"I knew you wouldn't understand that. But you know what, Sam isn't really turning out to be a whole lot better than Gandalf."  
  
"Mommy." Said Selda. She was quiet for a moment. "What your name?" she asked, looking up at Merry.  
  
Merry held the front door to let the children exit. "My name is Merry." He said, smiling.  
  
"May!" she screeched.  
  
"No, silly! Merry! Mer-ry."  
  
"Mer-ry."  
  
"Right!" he cried, thoroughly pleased. "Wow, look at me. I'm having a conversation with a two-year-old. Never thought that would happen."  
  
Merry breathed the fresh air in. Although he knew they shouldn't be out here, it was nice to get out of the hot, stuffy room in the House of Elrond's Childcare Center. 'That's such a stupid name.' He thought to himself. 'Nobody from the House of Elrond works there. Well, except for Aragorn but he doesn't really count because he's not really an elf.'  
  
Sam ran up to Merry. Selda, seeing him coming, quickly let go of Merry's hand and ran away. "Merry, we have to keep track of these kids. Just keep counting them, and tell me if you get something less than thirty-five, okay!"  
  
Merry gaped at him. "You mean you actually want me to keep track of thirty-five two-year-olds in a totally non-restricted area for like...an hour?"  
  
"Actually, I was thinking more like two hours."  
  
"You keep track of them. I'm sure that since I'm not the primary caregiver, I can't count well enough for your standards."   
  
"Why are you being so difficult?"  
  
"Why are YOU being so difficult?"  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about! The whole PRIMARY caregiver thing!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't act like you don't know! You've been acting all weird ever since you got to be primary!"  
  
"I haven't been acting weird! I've been being responsible!"  
  
"Yeah, really responsible giving them all that sugar!"  
  
"Well what would you have done?"  
  
"I would have waited until they were hungry and then given them like, two or three cookies each."  
  
"Well..."  
  
"And if I were you now, I would get all of these kids inside RIGHT NOW!"  
  
"Okay..." said Sam. "Maybe that is a good idea."  
  
"Okay, here's what we'll do. Since you're the PRIMARY caregiver, you can look for the kids. As soon as you find them, send them inside. I'll be standing in the hallway keeping count, does that sound like a good idea?"  
  
"Yes." Said Sam meekly.   
  
"Alright, lets get started." Sam and Merry rounded up all of the children that were in their sight and took them inside. Merry counted them. "Twenty-six. Nine more."  
  
"Alright..." said Sam uneasily. He headed back outside to hunt down some more children.   
  
Meanwhile, inside the building, Merry was having trouble trying to keep the kids quiet. "Okay, sit down and I'll tell you another story!" he said. It worked almost immediately. "Wow, I'm really good with kids" he mused. "Okay, I'm going to tell you about a good friend of mine, Frodo Baggins, and how he and Mr. Sam helped save the world from evil."  
  
At that moment, the door opened, and Sam walked in, two elf children in tow. "These two were up a tree. It took me forever to get them down!" he said.  
  
"Okay, that makes twenty-eight, only seven more." He turned back to the children. "Once there was a ring. A very evil ring. And if you put it on, it made you invisible."  
  
A couple hours later, Merry was sitting inside with thirty-four children. Sam had been searching for what seemed like forever for the thirty-fifth and just couldn't seem to find him/her.  
  
"Okay, well maybe if we knew which one it was we would have a better idea of where to look."  
  
"Alright." Said Merry. "Let's see, who's missing...was it the little boy who always sucked his thumb?"  
  
"No, he's over in the far corner."  
  
"Oh. How about the fussy little girl with the pierced ears?"  
  
"No, she's right behind you. Maybe it's the one who ate fifteen cookies."  
  
"Does he have chocolate smeared all over his face?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then it's not him. He's right here."  
  
"Oh. What about the one who was always on your lap?"  
  
"Selda?" asked Merry fearfully.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I haven't seen her lately..." he looked around frantically. "And she's not here! You have to find her!"  
  
"She's scared of me!"  
  
"So are all these kids!"  
  
"Okay, don't panic!"  
  
"I'm panicking!"  
  
"DON'T!"  
  
"I CAN'T HELP IT!"  
  
"No, just listen. Here's what we're going to do, we'll go to all of the classrooms and ask them if they've seen her, or if they'll help us look." Sam said. He turned towards the baby classroom and put his hand on the doorknob. "You know, we actually may not want to disturb Gandalf..." he said lamely.  
  
"That's a really good point. Let's try the one-year-olds." Said Merry.   
  
So they asked the one-year-olds and the three-year-olds and were not received very warmly in either classroom. "They do have their own classes to worry about." Merry said in a hollow voice. "Let's just go back to our classroom and hope she turns up. There's nothing else we can do."  
  
They finally got all of the kids back in the classroom, and Merry sat down. He was really worried about Selda. She was such a sweet little girl and he really hoped that nothing bad had happened to her. He heard a knock on the door and stood up to answer it.  
  
Aragorn was standing in the doorway looking extremely hassled and very tired. "Hey, can Frodo and I borrow some cookies?"  
  
"Sure." Said Merry.  
  
Sam rushed up to join them. "Now Merry, that's not your decision to make!"  
  
Merry turned away from Sam, completely disgusted, and walked to the other side of the classroom. He sat down on the floor, and immediately, a little boy walked up to him holding a book. "Read." He commanded.  
  
"Yes sir!" said Merry. He saluted.  
  
The little boy giggled.   
  
"Okay, we're reading 'The Teddy Bear Parade'. Wow, sounds fascinating."   
  
"Merry, what are you doing?"  
  
"I'm reading a book, but perhaps you'd like to take over for me, seeing as you are the primary caregiver and therefore the ruler of the earth and sky." He handed Sam the book, and stood up abruptly. He turned his head slightly to see Aragorn pulling box after box of cookies down from the shelf and looking from side to side nervously. Merry just shook his head and grinned. 'He needs those cookies more than we do.' He said to himself.  
  
"SAMWISE GAMGEE!"  
  
Merry jumped and spun around. Elrond strode into the room. Merry quickly turned around so that Elrond wouldn't see him. If he was going to get mad, he better get mad at Sam.   
  
"Yes...yes sir?" squeaked Sam.  
  
"Does this child belong in your class?" Elrond demanded. "She interrupted my council!"  
  
Merry gasped and turned around. Elrond released the little girl he was holding on to, and she ran straight for Merry. He knelt down. "SELDA!" he cried. She ran into his arms and buried her head in his shoulder.  
  
Sam began to walk towards Merry.   
  
"Samwise Gamgee, don't even think about it!" Elrond said, a strong hint of warning in his voice. "We have some things to discuss."  
  
Merry stood up and walked over to his chair, Selda following close behind. He noticed Aragorn slip out the door, carrying about ten boxes of cookies.  
  
"What sorts of things, sir?" Sam asked timidly.   
  
"To be honest with you, I can't say that I'm impressed by your performance as a primary caregiver." Elrond said sharply. "You lost one of the children. She somehow wandered over to the meeting hall, crying all the way and asking for Merry, and she interrupted a very important council with Lord Celeborn of Lothlorien. I had to bring her back here myself, and it was quite embarrassing."  
  
"I'm sorry sir, it won't happen again." Sam whispered.  
  
"No, it most certainly won't," said Elrond, "because I am now pronouncing Mr. Brandybuck the primary caregiver. I will get your uniforms changed tomorrow. Hopefully Merry will prove to be much more responsible than you were."  
  
"But...but Lord Elrond-"  
  
"No buts about it, Samwise. You lost your chance." With that, he strode out of the room leaving a very dejected-looking Sam behind him.   
  
"He's so mean!" Sam cried.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Merry asked.  
  
"I wanted to be primary caregiver so bad, and now I'm not anymore! I don't get to be in charge! I DON'T GET TO DO ANYTHING!"  
  
"Of course you'll get to do things. I'll make sure of it!" said Merry. "In fact, why don't you get started now. We need to have this whole room cleaned up before the parents arrive to get the children."  
  
Sam pouted for a minute. "Meanie-head." Then he began to clean up the room.  
  
The rest of the day passed uneventfully. By five-thirty, all of the children had been taken home by random parents who were definitely not the same ones who had dropped them off. The room was completely clean. Sam had done a very good job.   
  
Elrond leaned into the classroom. "Come on, we're having a council to discuss your first day at work!"  
  
Sam groaned and Merry rolled his eyes.   
  
"Stop whining, I happen to enjoy councils!" said Elrond.  
  
"I'm sure you do."  
  
A/N: Okay, so there it was. Next chapter: Frodo and Aragorn. I don't think I'll be able to post it tomorrow, I'll probably need to put it up on Wednesday. Anyhoozles, have a nice day! 


	6. Aragorn and Frodo

A/N: Okay, first off, SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED. My computer broke and I had to use my brother's, but I couldn't upload any chapters on it. Second, if you know how to speak elvish, and would be offended by hearing someone else speak it very badly, I would highly recommend not reading this chapter. That said, I don't want any flames about my elvish, because I'm warning you! Alright, third, there have been a bunch of people who have been like, all excited about this chapter, so don't eat me if it's not what you wanted it to be. It is the longest though, and I think it was definitely the most fun to write, but I'll let you decide whether it was good or not.  
  
Aragorn and Frodo stood in their classroom very nervously, awaiting the arrival of the dreaded three-year-olds. They'd had their visit from Elrond about the uniforms (Elrond could not decide which name to put on Aragorns, so he put them all on. His uniform read "Aragorn/King of Gondor/Strider/Elessar/Estel/Elfstone/A Whole Bunch of Other Stuff: Primary Caregiver—Three Year Olds"). Neither the hobbit nor the man was really looking forward to what was to come. However, had they been given the gift of foresight, both would probably have committed suicide on the spot.  
  
Their day began pretty much the same way everyone else's had. The first children arrived at precisely six-thirty. There were four of them, accompanied by their very hassled looking father. Aragorn greeted them at the door. "Hi kids!" he said in a cheerful voice, that was quite obviously very fake. "We're going to have lots of fun today!"  
  
The kids stared up at him with blank expressions on their faces. "Okay..." their father stepped forward. "This is Umiell," he said, indicating one of the little girls, "this is Kurus," he said, pointing to one of the others, "and I don't know who these two are. I don't think they're my kids, but I could be wrong."  
  
Aragorn stared at him. "How many kids do you have?"  
  
"At least twenty. Anyway, I've really got to get going, but let me just tell you about the kids. Umiell is four years old, but she doesn't talk much. In fact, she doesn't talk at all, and that's why they wouldn't let her go to school. Kurus is three, and we have a few discipline problems with her at home. The other two I don't know anything about."  
  
"Oh..." Aragorn stared at him some more. "Um, well..."  
  
"I really do need to go." the elf left, leaving a very bewildered Aragorn behind.  
  
He finally recovered and turned to the children. "I'm Mr. Aragorn, and this is Mr. Frodo!" he gestured towards Frodo. "We're all going to have fun and play together today." He tried to smile at them, but it looked more like a grimace. The children looked around fearfully, and ran away from him. Soon, they spotted all of the toys and began to spread out around the room.  
  
Meanwhile, Frodo was greeting more children at the door. Most of the parents didn't know the children's names, and some weren't even sure if they were actually three years old. Apparently, it was quite common for parents to take random children in off the streets at night. This somewhat disturbed Frodo, but since he had witnessed firsthand the conditions that these elves were living in, he chose not to comment.  
  
Aragorn looked around the room, trying desperately to count the little blonde heads that kept moving around so quickly. After six tries, he had come up with six different numbers, but they were all somewhere around the general vicinity of thirty-five. He finally gave up counting and turned his attention towards the door where a young elf who looked to be about ten or eleven stood. She was looking around uneasily at the screaming, rambunctious (isn't that a nice word? I spelled it right on the first try, too!) children. Aragorn approached her. "Hey. Welcome to day care. Can I help you?"  
  
She looked up at him, relieved. "Hi, are you the teacher?"  
  
"Unfortunately, yes."  
  
The elf girl giggled at this statement. "I'm Endo. My mommy runs an orphanage, well not really an orphanage..."  
  
Aragorn listened patiently.  
  
"See, what she does is she collects all of the kids off of the streets at night, like, the ones whose parents forgot about them and nobody else's parents took in."  
  
"I see." Said Aragorn.  
  
"So anyway, she wanted me to come tell you that she has sixteen three-year- olds that she's going to bring about an hour late because she has to get them all dressed and ready."  
  
"Wait, hang on a sec!" Aragorn began to panic. "Is this in addition to the fifty that we're going to have already?"  
  
"No silly!" Endo cried. "They were supposed to be part of the fifty, and they're just going to be late!"  
  
Aragorn sighed. "Well, that's a relief!"  
  
Endo smiled. "I've gotta go now and help my mommy get all the kids ready! I'll see you in an hour!"  
  
He shook his head. "If these kids were just as calm and polite as her it would be so easy!"  
  
"ARAGORN! HELP ME!"  
  
Aragorn turned to see Frodo trying fruitlessly to stop some children from tipping over the bookshelf. More of them were running in circles around the room, throwing books and toys at Frodo as they passed him. Umiell, the one who didn't talk, was climbing on his back, pulling his hair.  
  
"OKAY! EVERYBODY! STOP IT NOW!" Aragorn shouted.  
  
Not a single child listened to him.  
  
Aragorn rushed over to Frodo and pulled Umiell off of him. He turned the bookshelf right-side-up, and then dodged a flying matchbox car that was aimed right at his head. "LISTEN TO ME!" He roared. "QUIT IT!" He looked up just in time to see three of the kids climbing onto the windowsills. "GET DOWN FROM THERE!" He began to run towards them when he felt his feet being yanked from beneath him, and he fell, face-first, onto the ground. As the stars in front of his eyes began to fade away, he saw Umiell standing over him, a very pleased expression on her face.  
  
"Aragorn, are you okay?" Frodo rushed over to him.  
  
"OKAY, THAT'S IT!" Aragorn pulled himself up off the floor. Quick as a flash, he drew his sword from it's sheath. It just barely missed Umiell's head. Immediately, all of the children stopped what they were doing and burst into tears.  
  
"Oh, good job Aragorn!" Frodo said angrily. "Now they're all crying!" He sat down on the floor next to Umiell and pulled her onto his lap. "Did the mean ranger scare you?" he asked her.  
  
She nodded, tears still rolling down her face.  
  
"It's okay," said Frodo, standing up. "Look, I'm taking his sword away from him so he can't scare you anymore." Frodo yanked the sword from Aragorn's hand and set it down on the counter. "DO NOT do that again!" he hissed.  
  
"Frodo, that's the only way we can get them to stop!"  
  
"Yes, but it also makes them cry." Frodo turned to the crying children. "Okay kids! Come over here! We're all going to listen to a story now!"  
  
"I don't wanna listen to a story!" one of the children whined.  
  
"Well, what do you want to do then?" Frodo asked.  
  
"I want to color pictures!"  
  
"NO!" shrieked Kurus. "I wanna hear a story!"  
  
"Color pictures!"  
  
"STORY!!!"  
  
"I don't wanna do either!" complained another child. "I want a cookie!"  
  
"TOO BAD! WE'RE READING A STORY!" Aragorn roared.  
  
"No! Aragorn, be quiet. Kids, listen to me!" Frodo took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "First everyone will get a cookie. Then anyone who wants to listen to a story can come sit by the bookshelf with me, and everyone who wants to color a picture can sit at the table with Aragorn."  
  
"What?" said Aragorn. "Frodo, I'm the primary caregiver here, and I don't think—"  
  
"Just trust me. I used to baby-sit a lot back in the Shire. These are the sorts of activities that will get them to settle down."  
  
"Okay, fine."  
  
Frodo and Aragorn handed out cookies to the children, who were being quite well behaved at the moment. It seemed that Aragorn's sword trick had been effective, although rather drastic, and Frodo hoped they wouldn't have to resort to it again. After the children had finished with their cookies, Frodo called the story-readers over to the bookshelf. About fifteen or sixteen came over. "Okay." Frodo said brightly, looking at the children seated in a semi-circle around him. "Which book would you like to read?"  
  
Kurus jumped up and pulled a book off the shelf. "This one!" she cried.  
  
Frodo looked at the cover. "Okay, we are going to read 'E Foeg Hadhod' um, whatever that means." He opened the book to the first page, which contained a picture of an elf bearing a strong resemblance to Elrond, and began to read. "Daur ifant eledh." The elf children smiled and nodded. "Okay..." said Frodo, quite confused. He turned to the next page which had a picture of a female elf who looked a lot like Arwen on it. "Neth gwandra eledh." He read. The children smiled and nodded some more. He turned to the next page which had a picture of a dwarf with a battle axe on it. "Thent, foeg, gern, goer hadhod!" The elf children grinned and clapped. The next page had a picture of the elf who looked like Elrond hitting the dwarf on the head with the sharp side of his battle-axe. "Um...okay...um...Firn hadhod." He read.  
  
The elf children cheered. Kurus smacked one of them in the face. He began to cry.  
  
"Kurus, that wasn't nice!" Frodo cried. "Say you're sorry!"  
  
"No!" she said defiantly.  
  
"Frodo, what are you reading them?" Aragorn shouted from the table where he was coloring pictures.  
  
"Um, it's just some book called 'E Foeg Hadhod.'" Frodo replied. "Kurus, stop it right now!"  
  
"Um, I don't really think you should be reading them that!" said Aragorn. "From what I've heard, it doesn't sound like the sort of thing you would read to three-year-olds." He turned back to the table where the rest of the children were scribbling all over the place. "No Umiell, do not color on the table!"  
  
Umiell looked up at him angrily. Then, without warning, she picked up her marker and drew a big green streak across Aragorn's face.  
  
Aragorn was livid. He grabbed her by the arm and lifted her up from her seat. "TIME OUT! NOW!" He dragged her over to the corner and sat her down in a chair. "DO NOT move!" Then he went to wash the marker off of his face. A few seconds later, as he was drying off his face with a paper towel, he felt someone climbing on his back. He reached behind him and grabbed Umiell by the wrist. "I SAID DON'T MOVE!" He picked his sword up from the counter and then marched her back to time out. He stood beside her, his sword underneath her chin for a full twenty minutes before he felt she had been justly punished. "Okay, you can get up now, but DO NOT do ANYTHING else that may cause me to become ANGRY..." he glared at her.  
  
"Aragorn!" Frodo cried desperately.  
  
"What is it Fro..." Aragorn caught sight of Endo standing at the door, holding the hand of a little elf girl. Behind her stood a loooooooooong line of more children. "Why me?" he whispered.  
  
"YAY!" shrieked Kurus. "More friends!" she gave Frodo a sweet, yet very annoying simper, and ran over to the new "friends."  
  
Aragorn, who did not trust her at all, grabbed her around the middle and picked her up. She struggled and tried to get away. "Don't even think about it!" Aragorn growled softly into her ear. She just gave him the awful little smile and began wriggling around some more. "I'm warning you..." Aragorn tried to put on a mean face, but it didn't seem to scare her at all.  
  
Frodo was trying to get all of the new children settled and doing something QUIET but he was not really successful in doing so. He looked around for the woman who had brought them, but she was nowhere to be seen. "Great..." he muttered. He had already been in a bad mood before he arrived, and these children were not helping in the least bit.  
  
Someone began tugging on his arm. "Mr. Teacher!!!"  
  
"What?" snapped Frodo.  
  
"I want a cookie!"  
  
"We already had cookies, remember?"  
  
"No."  
  
"We had them right before we read that stupid 'E Foeg Hadhod' book!"  
  
"He he! Foeg hadhod! My little brother's teacher is a hadhod!"  
  
"Wonderful." Said Frodo, who still wasn't quite sure what a hadhod was.  
  
"I want a cookie, Mr. Teacher!"  
  
"I told you, we've already had cookies!"  
  
"No we didn't!"  
  
"Oh...did you just get here?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Frodo sighed. "Okay, you can have a cookie." He took the little boy by the hand and led him to the counter, where he gave him a cookie. "Now, don't tell ANYONE that you have a cookie, okay?"  
  
"Okay!" said the boy.  
  
But that didn't last long. A few minutes later, the rest of the children were crowding around Frodo asking for a cookie.  
  
"I want a cookie too!" whined Kurus, who had finally given up on trying to get out of Aragorn's firm hold, and had devoted the rest of her time to annoying him.  
  
"No!" Aragorn said.  
  
Kurus scratched him across the cheek. The shock caused him to let go of her, and she fell to the ground and ran over to where Frodo was handing out cookies.  
  
Aragorn could see that the situation was really getting out of hand. "OKAY! WE ARE ALL GOING TO TAKE A NAP! NOW!"  
  
"No! No nap!"  
  
"Yes nap!" said Frodo, relieved.  
  
"More cookies!"  
  
"NO MORE COOKIES!"  
  
After nearly ten minutes of arguing back and forth with the children about the nap, Aragorn decided that this situation would require drastic measures to get under control. He picked his sword up from the counter and twirled it around in the air. Then he pointed it at the nearest child. "Now...everyone is going to get a blanket from Mr. Frodo...and they're going to lie down and TAKE A NAP!" He did a few more fancy sword tricks to make sure that they got the point.  
  
"Well, I was hoping you wouldn't have to do that again, but I guess—"he was cut off as the door flew open, and Sam ran into the classroom, followed by Merry and a whole bunch of two-year-olds.  
  
"We can't find one of our kids! Is she in here?"  
  
The three-year-olds began to giggle. Aragorn pointed his sword at them to keep them quiet. "TAKE A NAP! Now, what were you saying, Sam?"  
  
"One of our children got lost and we can't find her!"  
  
"I'm terribly sorry." Said Aragorn. "Maybe you should go look some more."  
  
"But...but..."  
  
"Come on, Sam. They have a much bigger class than we do, they can't help us look!" Merry snapped.  
  
"You're not the boss of me!" Sam retorted.  
  
"Okay, it's about time for you guys to leave—Umiell go to sleep—because we have our own problems. Goodbye!" Aragorn shooed them out the door and shut it behind them. "They had better not even think about bothering us again!"  
  
Frodo walked around the room, making sure that the children were lying down and being quiet, and then sank down into his chair and leaned his head against the wall. From the corner of his eye, he saw Aragorn do the same thing.  
  
"Frodo, I'm exhausted!"  
  
"Me too!"  
  
"It's strange...I can run for days on end without stopping for anything...but I can't take care of a few kids for more than a few hours..."  
  
"Aragorn, this is not A FEW kids."  
  
Aragorn was too tired to respond. He closed his eyes, and felt himself drifting off into dreamland (I go there a lot, how about you?).  
  
He was awakened rather suddenly and unpleasantly when he heard the sound of shattering glass. He jumped up and saw Umiell standing by a broken window, a satisfied expression on her face. He reached to the counter for his sword, only to find that it wasn't there. He looked all around him for it, but couldn't find it anywhere.  
  
Umiell began to giggle.  
  
"Umiell, where is Aragorn's sword?" Frodo asked angrily.  
  
She just giggled harder.  
  
Now that the window was broken, Aragorn could hear the sounds of a rushing river beside the building. He ran over to the window and looked out to see a huge waterfall below. The sound was almost deafening.  
  
"UMIELL!!!!! DID YOU THROW MY SWORD INTO THE RIVER?????"  
  
She giggled and nodded.  
  
"WHY?"  
  
She didn't say anything. The rest of the children had begun to gather around her. They stared excitedly at the river. Kurus climbed up onto the windowsill.  
  
"Kurus! Get down!" Frodo scolded.  
  
"Frodo, just let her fall out. If she dies, it won't be our fault, but it'll sure be a lot easier for us!"  
  
"Aragorn! That's awful! No! Everyone, go lie down again!"  
  
But it was useless. Without Aragorn's sword there to make them behave, the children paid no attention to anyone. They crowded around Frodo, begging for more cookies. They hit and kicked and scratched him, and climbed all over him. He had no choice but to comply.  
  
Aragorn tried again in vain to get them to lie down. He looked down at Umiell. She smiled up at him. "You WILL pay for that, do you hear me?" he yelled, over the noise of the river. Umiell just stuck her tongue out at him and went over to join the crowd of children surrounding Frodo. Aragorn looked on helplessly for a few minutes.  
  
"Aragorn! I'm out of cookies!" Frodo screamed.  
  
"Okay...um...I'll go borrow some from Sam and Merry!" said Aragorn, glad to be able to do something useful for a change.  
  
"Okay! Hurry!"  
  
Aragorn scurried out the door. He slammed it right before Kurus managed to follow him out, and he closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, gasping for breath.  
  
"Um...hello Aragorn!"  
  
Aragorn jumped and looked up. He saw Pippin standing there, holding a baby in each of his arms and standing behind two triple strollers, filled with babies. If it weren't for the fact that so many crazy things had been going on in his own class, Aragorn would have thought this was quite funny, but it all seemed rather normal to him now. "Oh, Pippin! Hey!" he shook his head. "My God, this is a nightmare. I am NEVER having children!"  
  
One of the babies in Pippin's strollers shrieked, and all the rest of the stroller babies began to cry.  
  
"You look like you're having fun!" Aragorn said. For once, he was kind of glad he had the three-year-olds. At least, he was glad he didn't have the babies.  
  
"Oh yes." Said Pippin sarcastically. "But at least I'm away from Gandalf!"  
  
Aragorn sighed. "He being pretty hard on you?" he asked sympathetically.  
  
"Just a little. What are you out here for?"  
  
Aragorn took a deep breath. "I'm having...issues...with those kids. One of them threw my sword OUT THE WINDOW!"  
  
"Oh my goodness! I guess I'm kind of glad I don't have your group..." Said Pippin, rather unsurely.  
  
"Hey man, I don't really think there's a single age that would be a whole lot of fun." He was silent for a moment, and then remembered that he was supposed to be doing something important. "But anyway, I have to go borrow some cookies from Sam and Merry, and then I gotta get back in there. I can't leave Frodo alone for too long."  
  
"Alright, see ya!" Pippin slowly and painstakingly turned the strollers around WITH HIS KNEES and walked back up the hall the other way.  
  
Aragorn walked across the hall to Sam and Merry's room and knocked on the door. It was answered by a very disgruntled-looking Merry.  
  
"Hey, can Frodo and I borrow some cookies?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Sure." Said Merry dully.  
  
"Now Merry!" Sam walked over. "That's not your decision to make!"  
  
Merry glared at Sam, and then turned and walked away.  
  
"I'm the primary caregiver!" Sam said brightly. "Now, Aragorn, you want some cookies, do you?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well, they're right up there in the cabinet. Oh, please excuse me, I have to go supervise the secondary caregiver over here!" Sam rushed off the other side of the room where Merry was reading a book to some children.  
  
"Okay...bye!" said Aragorn. He walked over to the cabinet and began taking down box after box of cookies, looking around furtively, hoping that Sam wouldn't notice.  
  
"SAMWISE GAMGEE!"  
  
Aragorn jumped and turned around quickly, hiding the cookies behind his back. In the doorway, clutching the arm of a little girl, stood Lord Elrond. The expression on his face did not suggest that he was in a particularly good mood.  
  
"Yes...yes sir?" Sam asked timidly.  
  
"Does this girl belong in your class? She interrupted my council!"  
  
"SELDA!" cried Merry.  
  
Elrond pushed the little girl forward. She shrieked and ran into Merry's outstretched arms.  
  
Sam rushed over to Merry to try to take the little girl from him.  
  
"Samwise Gamgee, don't even think about it! We have some things to discuss!"  
  
Aragorn figured this was a good time to sneak out unnoticed with all of the cookies, and quietly slipped out the door. He returned to find the three- year-old classroom just as he had left it, with all of the children crowding around Frodo asking for cookies. "Frodo, catch!" Aragorn tossed a box of cookies to Frodo, who proceeded to hand them out.  
  
Meanwhile, Aragorn headed for Umiell, who was standing on the outside of the big circle surrounding Frodo. "We have some things to...discuss..." he hissed (quite loudly...it had to be loud because of the broken window), as he lifted her up. She began screaming and kicking him. "Sorry, that's not gonna work with me!" he said. He set her down in a chair and pinned her hands to her sides. "Now, are you sorry you threw my sword out the window?"  
  
Umiell shook her head.  
  
"Well you will be soon! Just wait until tomorrow...I'll have another sword and believe me, you will get to know that sword VERY well..." Aragorn snickered. "Yes...you and that sword will be best friends! OH MY GOD, what am I THINKING?" he let go of her, and she scurried off to join the rest of the kids surrounding Frodo. "Killing three-year-olds! I mean, even if she IS evil, I can't do that!"  
  
"ARAGORN!"  
  
"WHAT, FRODO?"  
  
"WE HAVE GOT TO GET CONTROL OVER THESE KIDS SOMEHOW!"  
  
"YEAH, BUT HOW?"  
  
"I DON'T KNOW! THINK OF SOMETHING! I'M ALMOST OUT OF COOKIES AGAIN!"  
  
"WHAT? BUT I GAVE YOU LIKE...LIKE TEN BOXES!"  
  
"YEAH! AND THESE KIDS ARE REALLY HUNGRY! THINK OF SOMETHING!"  
  
So Aragorn thought...and thought...and thought...and thought...and then he said to himself, "I KNOW! If I don't have a sword, that doesn't mean nobody else does! I'll just go borrow a sword...well, it doesn't have to be a sword, necessarily. Any sharp weapon will do." He repeated this idea to Frodo.  
  
"BORROW GIMLI'S BATTLE AXE! HE'S JUST DOWN THE HALL!"  
  
"OKAY!"  
  
Frodo watched Aragorn walk out into the hallway, and then proceeded to hand out the remaining cookies. Thankfully, some of the children seemed to have grown tired of cookies, on the other hand, they were now occupying themselves by throwing toys at each other. Frodo, however, was not in any position to stop this behavior and therefore did not even try. As long as they didn't bother him, he would stay away from them.  
  
"Mr. Teacher! He hit me!"  
  
"She hit me first!"  
  
"He threw a fire truck at me first!"  
  
"She threw it at me before that!"  
  
"No I didn't! He threw it at me first!"  
  
"Nuh-uh!"  
  
"Uh-huh!"  
  
"Nuh-uh!"  
  
"Uh-huh!"  
  
"OKAY SHUT UP!" screamed Frodo.  
  
"Oooh!" gasped Kurus. "He said a bad word!"  
  
"I really don't care if I said a bad word!" Frodo felt his head starting to throb. "Where is the fire truck that everybody threw at each other?"  
  
Kurus held up a red plastic fire truck.  
  
Frodo took it from her, and without even thinking, hurled it out the nearest window...but this window had not been broken before. Shards of glass flew everywhere. The children screamed and began crying as they were showered with sharp objects. Frodo gasped and covered his face with his hands. "I didn't mean to do that! I really didn't!"  
  
"FRODO, WHAT HAPPENED?" Aragorn burst into the room, looking around him wildly. He spotted Umiell sitting in a corner looking very smug. "DID YOU BREAK SOMETHING, UMIELL?"  
  
"No, Aragorn, that was me." Frodo said, embarrassed.  
  
"What?"  
  
"The kids were all fighting over this fire truck and I got so sick of it that I decided to just throw it in the river, but I threw it out the wrong window, and now they've all been stabbed by broken glass and I feel so bad about it now!" Frodo began to cry.  
  
"Okay, Frodo, calm down. I have an axe, we'll be in control now." He turned to the children, half of whom were crying, and half of whom were laughing, and brandished the axe menacingly. "Alright LISTEN UP! If you're bleeding, come over here with me and I'll get you a band-aid. If you're not go sit down QUIETLY with Mr. Frodo and he'll...um...play a game with you."  
  
The children immediately obeyed. Aragorn sat and began handing out band- aids and trying to comfort the crying kids. He could see Frodo across the room attempting to play Simon Says. It didn't really appear to be working, but at least things were under control.  
  
"Mr. Teacher! I have another boo-boo!" Kurus scowled at Aragorn. "You didn't give me enough band-aids!" He handed her another band-aid, and she carefully placed it over a miniscule cut on her knee. Then she reached her arms up and hugged him.  
  
Aragorn was stunned. "You are really odd." He said.  
  
A couple of hours later, Frodo and Aragorn were headed to Elrond's council to discuss their first day at work. The rest of the day had passed quite uneventfully. First Elrond had swept through to make sure that they were wearing their uniforms (they were), then a few parents had come to get their children, Endo and her mother had picked up the rest, and Frodo and Aragorn were quite glad to get out of the House of Elrond's Childcare Center, even if it was only for a few hours.  
  
"Oh, I'm so exhausted! And we've to go back tomorrow too!" Frodo sighed.  
  
"Don't make me sad!" said Aragorn. "Let's just go to the council and let's enjoy getting to talk with our friends when we're not surrounded by fifty kids."  
  
And that is what they did!  
  
A/N: Okay, the next chapter might not be up for a while because I have to retype it. When my computer broke, I lost some of my files...sob. But, I was wondering, do you guys want the next chapter to be the last and just leave it as it is, or do you want me to continue it? Like, I wouldn't continue the whole day care thing, but I could have them doing other stuff...I have some ideas, but they're kind of stupid, of course, this one was too. Anyway, just leave me a review and...yeah...it will be a review! 


	7. Special Surprise

A/N: You guys, I am SO SORRY for the lack of updates, but now that holy week is over, I will probably be home more often (I spent about twelve hours a day at church, and I'm absolutely serious about that). I rewrote this chapter, because it's actually not going to be the end of the story...yay! I haven't started writing, so it may not be up for a while. Don't worry, I'll still be here. Anyway, here's this chapter. Lots of Gimli and Legolas gayness, and a SPECIAL SURPRISE!  
  
The fellowship entered the meeting/council hall in a rather confused and frenzied disarray. Legolas and Gimli had arrived first and were sitting on the end of the row holding the two forgotten children in their laps. Everyone else kept giving them odd looks as they passed by, but no one said anything, as they were too preoccupied with there own problems.  
  
"Alright, let's all settle down now!" said Elrond. As soon as everyone was seated and quiet he began to speak. "Well, now that you're all here...hey, where's Pippin?"  
  
"He fell asleep on the floor in our classroom," said Gandalf, "and I didn't have the heart to wake him up. He's had a hard day."  
  
"Aww..." whispered Aragorn. Everyone ignored him.  
  
"Okay, well, now that everyone except for Pippin is here, I will begin the council." Elrond cleared his throat. "I was impressed by the job that most of you did today...MOST of you." He glared at Sam. "Unfortunately, we haven't had anyone volunteer to help care for the children yet, so you will be working for another day at least...probably another week, actually, or more."  
  
"What? We have to work until someone else volunteers?" Sam cried.   
  
"Yay!" cried Gimli. He was promptly silenced by a smack in the face from Onna who was seated on Legolas' lap.  
  
"I want to go to the undying lands!" moaned Frodo.  
  
"So do I!" groaned Gandalf.  
  
"NOBODY is going to the undying lands until I tell you that you can so DEAL WITH IT!" Elrond gave the fellowship a moment to calm themselves down and then said "I would like to thank you for your generous contributions to our community, and now I will let you go get some rest because you have another exciting day of day care ahead of you!" He began to sweep out of the room, but Legolas caught up with him.  
  
"Lord Elrond, what am I supposed to do with HER?" he demanded, indicating the little girl who was clinging onto his leg.  
  
"Well, feed her some dinner, brush her teeth, and put her to bed!" Elrond said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"But...but she's not my kid!"  
  
Elrond stared at him blankly.  
  
"I mean, won't her parents get worried?"  
  
"I have told you already, THEY DO NOT CARE! They probably don't even notice that she's gone, and the same goes for you, Gimli. Feed him, brush his teeth, put him to bed."  
  
"Yay! I get my own baby!" screeched Gimli. "Isn't this great, Leggy? It'll be like we're parents and I'm the mommy and you're the daddy and-"  
  
"NO!!!!! I am a MAN and I WILL NOT give in, so there!" Legolas folded his arms across his chest and tried to look impressive.   
  
Gimli sniffed and made big puppy-dog eyes. "Please, Leggy!"   
  
"That is NOT my name, and I will NOT play house with you!"  
  
Gimli began to cry. "B-but this is what I've always w-wanted!" he sobbed.  
  
"Gimli don't cry! Please stop it, you're making me feel guilty!"  
  
Elrond noticed that neither the elf nor the dwarf was paying any attention to him whatsoever, and glided out the door.  
  
"I won't stop crying unless you promise to play house with me and the babies!"  
  
"Fine! But just one time!" Legolas picked Onna up, and he and Gimli walked out of the council hall together.  
  
On their way back to their rooms, they caught up with Gandalf, who was striding down the hall muttering to himself. "Gandalf!" shrieked Gimli, "See my baby? I named him after you!"  
  
Gandalf turned to glare at Gimli. The baby started to cry. Then Gandalf turned back around and continued down the hallway.   
  
"I guess he doesn't really like to play house." Whispered Gimli.   
  
As all of this had been going on, Frodo and Aragorn were walking back to their rooms. Or, rather, Aragorn was walking back to his room, dragging Frodo behind him.  
  
"NO! I won't do it! Never again!" Frodo screamed, as he kicked and clawed at Aragorn's legs. "I WILL NOT spend another day feeding cookies to an evil, unspeaking little three-year-old who throws weapons out the window!"  
  
"Actually, Frodo, she's four, remember? Her dad said-"  
  
"I DO NOT CARE HOW OLD SHE IS! I WON'T GO BACK THERE!"  
  
"Okay, whatever," said Aragorn, "but there's no way you're leaving me alone with those kids. So unless Elrond can find about ten other people to help me, you're coming back tomorrow." Aragorn, who had finally reached Frodo's room, threw the door open and tossed Frodo inside. "Sweet dreams!" he said.   
  
Aragorn slammed Frodo's door and started back down the hall. An idea was formulating in his head, and he wanted to try it out as soon as possible. He ran down the hallway to his room and slipped inside. He opened the window and looked around. No one was there. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, here we go." He stepped back, and then once more, once more, and then once more just for luck. He jogged in place for a minute, and then took a great running leap towards the window.   
  
For a brief second he was soaring in the air, wind whipping past him, and he thought 'I'm free at last!' But then, he hit the ground with an earth-shattering crash, and everything went black.   
  
"Tsk, tsk, tsk." Said Elrond. "Trying to escape, were we? Well, that won't happen here!" He chuckled to himself, then grabbed hold of Aragorn's ankles, dragged him across the garden, and into his room once again. "I do hope you wake up soon!" He shook his head, and then swept down the hallway.  
  
***Rivendell Meeting Hall  
  
At four-thirty the next morning, Elrond called everyone to yet another council, saying that he had some urgent news that he needed to share with them immediately. The fellowship entered, yawning and bleary-eyed, and some still wearing their pajamas, as Elrond looked on with great amusement.   
  
Once everyone was settled, he moved into the center of the room and began to speak. "Yesterday, if you'll remember, I told you that you would have to return to the childcare center every day this week, is that correct?"  
  
Everyone just stared at him.  
  
"Well, I think it was correct. Now, there seems to have been a change in plans, and we won't-"  
  
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!" Frodo rushed up and gave Elrond a big hug, and then circled around the fellowship, giving each of them a hug too. The fellowship (minus Boromir because he's dead, and minus Pippin because he's asleep) smiled in approval, but they were too tired to really do anything.   
  
"Can I finish now?" Elrond said impatiently.   
  
Frodo returned to his seat.   
  
"AS I WAS SAYING...Rivendell has decided to become part of Middle-Earth Tours Inc., because they wanted to have an Elven realm be part of it, but neither Mirkwood nor Lothlorien really wanted to take part-"  
  
"Hang on," said Aragorn with a yawn, "are you gonna make us be tour guides now?"  
  
"No!" cried Elrond indignantly. "I doubt you know your way around Rivendell well enough to be tour guides! We have some volunteers who we will begin training tomorrow. And, well, we signed up a little late so our first caravan of tourists will arrive the next day."  
  
Merry coughed very loudly, and everyone turned to look at him. "Sorry...just, um, pollen...?"   
  
Elrond glared at him. "Ahem...our first caravan of tourists will arrive the next day. Now, as you can probably guess, we want to make sure that the tourists are impressed with our realm...place...thing, and there are a few things that we will need to take care of first. One of the first items on our list is the children."  
  
Aragorn sighed. He had a bad feeling about this, just like last time, and he knew he was probably right.   
  
"You all should well know that it's not exactly impressive to walk into a city as beautiful as Rivendell and find children running all over the place and crowding the streets, so we don't want our tourists to see that either."  
  
"Are we going to kill them?" Aragorn said casually.   
  
"NO!!!" screamed Gimli, who was holding the baby on his lap (nobody had come by to claim either him or Onna).   
  
"No, we're not going to kill them!" said Elrond. "Where would we put them once they were dead?"  
  
"In the river." Suggested Frodo.  
  
"We ARE NOT killing anybody." Stated Elrond firmly. "We are, however, taking them somewhere else. Like a big field trip. Where? That is up to you. Just get them out of here until the spring tour season is over."  
  
The fellowship sat, completely shocked. Gandalf came out of it first. "And when is that, may I ask?"  
  
"In just a few weeks!" Elrond said, happily. "Now, you all need to return to the childcare center. You will depart tomorrow morning. I'll provide you with horses, strollers, and lots of baby food! As long as you return them all safe and sound, everything will be okay!"  
  
"As long as we return them SAFE AND SOUND?"  
  
"I'll expect you by no later than five o'clock tomorrow morning ready to depart. You have a little extra time left before six-thirty today, so I suggest that you start packing!"  
  
The fellowship (minus Boromir because he's dead and Pippin because he's asleep) sat in disbelief, and then, slowly, VERY slowly, began to leave. The overwhelming terror in their minds (except not in Gimli's) was worse than anything they had ever encountered, and it was only going to get worse...oh yes, much worse.   
  
A/N: Sorry that was so bad. It will get better, I promise! 


	8. Field Trip

A/N: Okay you guys, I just got this new toothpaste, and it's like, extra-extra-extra strength germ-killing, and my mouth is about to burn up. I mean, I cannot even begin to describe how intensely minty this toothpaste is. If it weren't for the fact that I'm like, obsessive-compulsive about clean teeth, I might throw it away. Oh god, IT BURNS! Okay, anyway, here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy!  
  
The next morning came soon. Too soon. The previous day had been an adventure in itself, but nothing compared to what the fellowship was about to face, and they knew it too.  
  
Gandalf was sitting in front of the childcare center with Aragorn, watching elves bring in stroller after stroller, horse after horse, carton after carton of baby formula. "That Elrond...I just can't believe he's actually going to do this!"  
  
"I'm right there with you! It's just impossible!" Aragorn did some quick calculations in his head. "How in the world does he expect eight of us to keep track of 154 children--"  
  
"Actually, it's 164," Gandalf corrected, "but continue."  
  
"Whatever, 164 children, all of whom are under the age of five, for two weeks?"  
  
"Actually, I've just spoken with him. It will be three weeks." Gandalf said darkly.  
  
"No!" breathed Aragorn. "You have got to be lying to me!"  
  
"A wizard never lies."   
  
Aragorn closed his eyes and began to massage his temples. "Okay, well, have you figured out where we're going to go yet?"   
  
"Not yet, but Elrond said he'll go over some stuff with me today. Hopefully we'll be able to work out some sort of plan."  
  
"Okay..." Out of the corner of his eye, Aragorn noticed that children had started arriving, two in particular that he was not at all happy to see. "Well, some of my class is here, so I'm going to go get them ready to roll." Aragorn stood up, rather reluctantly, and made his way towards Kurus and Umiell.   
  
"Aragorn!"  
  
Aragorn turned around to see Legolas standing with about six little girls crawling all over him, and their "parents" standing behind him, each holding a humongous, brightly colored diaper bag with the child's name across the front (some of the parents didn't really know what the name was, so they just wrote "Anonymous Child" across the front).  
  
"Where do they put all this stuff?"  
  
"Um...I guess just put them in the carts." He gestured towards the four horse-drawn carts stationed in the middle of the road.   
  
"Okay, thanks." Legolas pried the little girls off of him and turned to the parents.   
  
One of the women stepped forward. "You know what, I really have to go." She handed him a big plastic yellow bag that said IDRA in big plastic red letters. "There's some soap, shampoo, conditioner, and conditioning spray in there. Make sure you wash and condition her hair every night. There's also some extra clothes, a list of her allergies, and some general directions on how to take care of her. Have fun!" She turned around to leave.  
  
"Wait, which one is she?"  
  
The woman rolled her eyes, and then pulled one of the children off of Legolas' leg and handed her to him. "This one!" she said, and then left.   
  
The rest of the parents closed in around Legolas trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. "Okay, stop! Now, does anybody have a magic marker?"  
  
"...um, I have a permanent marker..." one of the parents held a red sharpie out.  
  
"Even better. Can I borrow this?"  
  
"Sure...I have some other colors too." He reached into his pocket and produced a blue, a black, and a green marker.   
  
"Thanks so much!" said Legolas, swiping them from his hand. He then set down the girl he was holding, took hold of her wrist, and printed 'Idra' neatly on her forearm.  
  
Legolas' idea proved to be a good one. The fellowship worked out a way to slightly keep track of the children by writing their names on their arms in different color markers. The babies were green, one-year-olds red, two-year-olds black, and three-year-olds blue. In the case of an anonymous child, they would write 'AC#1' and so on in the appropriate color, and then write the same number on the anonymous child's bag. Legolas was so proud of himself for coming up with such a great idea.   
  
Poor Pippin stood next to Gandalf rather unhappily. He had been given the task of writing each child's name on their arm as they arrived, and it always made them start crying. But then again, Gandalf was the one who had to lift them all up and set them in strollers, and Pippin seriously doubted he could do that.   
  
Yet another smiling couple (very likely they were smiling because they were getting rid of their children for three weeks) walked up to him holding a baby. "This is Thalion, T-H-A-L-I-O-N." the woman said pleasantly. She held the baby out to Pippin who wrote his name on his arm. Surprisingly, the baby did not start crying, and the parents moved on to Gandalf.  
  
"We're so excited! This is his first field trip ever!" said the father.  
  
"Mmm." Gandalf replied, not at all interested.   
  
The mother spoke up. "We were kind of worried at first, you know, seeing as he'll be out in the wilderness for three weeks, but we trust you so much because you're a wizard..." She handed him the baby's bag. "You should find everything you need in there. Remember, wash and condition his hair at least once a day! And no blow drying or straightening irons either. Also, if you could give him a deep conditioning treatment at least once a week, that would be great. Make sure you get all the conditioner out though or else his hair will-"  
  
"You know what, I have forty-one babies to protect from things like wargs and balrogs, so he just might not get all of the hair care he normally does! You're just going to have to deal with it!" Gandalf snatched the baby from his mothers arms and smushed him into a stroller. "NEXT!"  
  
Pippin sent the next baby to Gandalf, and leaned in to whisper to him. "Um, Gandalf, how are we going to get all of these babies there? They can't walk!"  
  
"I suppose we'll just tie a bunch of strollers together and push them."  
  
"Mmm...okay." Pippin labeled anonymous child number five, and then turned to look at the strollers that Elrond had given them. There were six of them, and each one held six babies. Pippin seriously doubted he could push even one of them. "Um, Gandalf, there's one slight problem."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"There's only thirty-six seats in the strollers, and we have forty-one babies."  
  
Gandalf fought hard to keep himself composed and relaxed. "That's okay. We will just...um, well, we can attach the strollers to, um, a horse, and then we can each ride a horse-"  
  
"Gandalf, I'm way too small to ride horses."  
  
Gandalf took a deep breath, and then began to speak, slowly and deliberately. "Okay, well, you'll ride in the cart with all of our supplies and you can take a few babies with you, and I'll take the ones that are left."  
  
"Alright." Pippin nodded and turned back to his work.  
  
"NO! DADDY! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  
  
Pippin jumped and looked up, accidentally smearing the ink on anonymous child number six's arm.   
  
"Shh...Selda, it's okay. Mr. Merry is coming right back!"  
  
Pippin nearly laughed out loud as his gaze fell on Sam who was struggling to get a screaming two-year-old into a stroller.  
  
"DADDY!" She squirmed out of his grasp and threw herself onto the leg of a retreating elf.   
  
He pulled her off and picked her up. "Dude, let's just get this straight. I am NOT your daddy, okay? I was just being nice and picked you up from day care yesterday! Okay, so go and hang out with the short guy now!" He set her down and gave her a gentle nudge towards Sam.  
  
"NO!" she threw herself on the ground and began to throw a temper tantrum. "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!"   
  
"Where is Merry?" Sam wondered out loud.   
  
"I'm right here! Listen, I've just been talking with Lord Elrond. We only have twelve horses, and four of them are-"  
  
"Okay, Merry, that's really good, but could you get her to shut up please?"  
  
"Having a bit of a crisis?" Elrond glided up to Sam.  
  
"Oh no, we're just fine." Sam said through clenched teeth.  
  
"Good, good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to talk to Gandalf and Legolas, do you know where they are?"  
  
"Gandalf is with the babies and Legolas is with the one-year-olds."   
  
"Lovely." Elrond swept on, surveying the rather frenzied situation that the fellowship was in at the moment. 'Oh well, they'll figure something out. Meanwhile, I have much more important things on my mind.' He stopped in front of the one-year-old cart. "Legolas, come with me. We need to do some last minute planning."  
  
"Okay..." Legolas turned to Gimli. "Gimli, can you handle things here for a few minutes?"  
  
"You betcha!" Gimli proceeded to write the words 'Gandalf Junior' in loopy cursive handwriting on his baby's arm, dotting the 'i' with a heart. "Ooh, how pretty!" He patted himself on the back.  
  
"Okay, um, I'm gonna go now." Legolas walked off to join Elrond and Gandalf (senior) who were sitting on the steps in front of the childcare center.  
  
"Good, you've joined us!" said Elrond. "We are currently discussing the route that you will need to take to get, well, wherever you're going."  
  
"Yeah, um, where are we going?" asked Gandalf. For the first time, Legolas noticed that he was holding four babies in his lap at once. One of the girls wriggled out of Gandalf's grip, crawled up to Legolas, and laid her head in his lap.   
  
"Brennil, get back here!" Gandalf reached over and tried to drag her back onto his lap, but she let out an ear-piercing shriek.   
  
"Erm, Gandalf..." Elrond took his hands off his ears. "Why don't you just let her stay there while we discuss this."  
  
"That might be a good idea."   
  
"Okay, well, let's begin!" Elrond pulled out a large map of Middle Earth. "Well, we don't want you to stray too far from Rivendell, but then again, we don't want you right on the border, so I'd say...hmm..."  
  
Legolas spoke up. "You know, we could just take them, say, a couple of miles from here and sort of...survive...or whatever..."  
  
Elrond and Gandalf stared at him blankly.  
  
"I really need to start thinking before I say things."   
  
"Well, that might actually be a good idea." Gandalf cleared his throat. "It would limit the amount of traveling, which would definitely be a plus, and it would reduce our chances of losing someone."  
  
"And also be entirely non-educational. No, that won't work at all." Elrond turned his attention back to his map.  
  
"Why in the world does it have to be educational? None of these kids are older than three! They won't learn anything anyway!"  
  
Gandalf cut in. "Actually, Legolas, Aragorn has one in his group that's four. He was telling me about her..."  
  
"That's not the point!"  
  
"What is the point?"  
  
"The point is that it shouldn't matter if we take them somewhere non-educational because there's no way that they would learn anything anyway!"  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
"Oh, okay, so are you trying to side with him?" Legolas nodded towards Elrond, who looked up from his map, a mildly amused expression on his face.  
  
"I never said that!" Gandalf said indignantly.  
  
"Well you're acting like you are!"  
  
"I am not!"  
  
"Then what is the whole deal with the 'It might be educational' thing?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You know what, I'm just about to-" He was cut off abruptly when a rather small, blonde, screaming thing crashed into him and wrapped it's arms around his leg.   
  
"What is that?"   
  
Legolas picked the thing up and placed it in his lap. "Onna? What's wrong?"  
  
Gimli entered the scene, huffing and puffing. "Legolas, I don't think I can handle things. All of the girls are freaking out and I can't get them to shut up!"  
  
"Okay...um, you guys figure out where we're going, okay? I'm gonna go try to help Gimli."   
  
"Okay, bye..." Elrond and Gandalf watched Legolas and Gimli walk off. "Oh, Legolas! Take her with you!" Gandalf added, indicating the baby who had seemed to take a liking to him.  
  
"Alright, so anyway, let's see..." Elrond returned to his map. "Hmm...oh! Here's an option! Oh, no, that won't work. Too many rivers to cross...okay, so maybe if we go around here...but no, that's not EDUCATIONAL enough." He continued in this manner for several minutes.  
  
Gandalf yawned and closed his eyes. He leaned back and crossed his legs, soaking in the sunshine, and managing to keep the three remaining babies at his side at the same time.   
  
"No...well, maybe if you...no, but that STILL wouldn't work...OH! I GOT IT!"  
  
"What? What? Where?" Gandalf snapped out of his daydreaming, and stared at Elrond's map.   
  
"You're going to FANGORN!"  
  
Gandalf nearly jumped out of his skin. "NO!"   
  
"YES! See, here's the route you'll take. Just follow the Misty Mountains south, and then you can cross over them at the-"  
  
"Whoa, hold up. CROSS OVER the Misty Mountains with 164 children in strollers? Anyway, we ARE NOT going to Fangorn."  
  
"Um, yes you are. And anyway, I guess you could go through Moria if you don't want to go over the mountains. Actually, that's a really good idea. You're going through Moria!"  
  
"NO! Elrond-"  
  
"Okay, so let's see, it'll probably take you..."  
  
"Elrond, listen to me!"  
  
"I'm gonna say about nine or ten days to get there, and nine or ten days to get back so that'll leave you about...one day to tour Fangorn. That's PERFECT!" He jumped onto his feet. "I'm going to go tell everyone else!"  
  
"No, Elrond! We are NOT going to Fangorn! Or Moria! Or anything like that...ELROND, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?" Gandalf gathered the babies into his arms and began chasing after Elrond.  
  
"Gandalf!"  
  
Gandalf felt his eye beginning to twitch. "What is it, Peregrin Took?"  
  
"Are we really going to Fangorn?"  
  
"Not if I can help it..." he said darkly.   
  
"Why not? I liked Fangorn!"  
  
"THEN YOU CAN BLOODY WELL GO TO FANGORN FOR ALL I CARE! JUST GET AWAY FROM ME!"  
  
Pippin recoiled in fear. "Yes sir..."  
  
"Now, if you'll take these babies, I'm going to go find Elrond." Gandalf set the babies in the cart next to Pippin and hurried after Elrond.   
  
"Good luck..." Pippin lifted up one of the smaller babies and twisted her forearm around so he could read her name. "Lhendsell, did you know that we're going to visit the trees?"  
  
A/N: Okay, there's the chapter. Just so you know, I haven't written the rest of this yet, so I'll take suggestions now. I'm just writing as I go, so I have no idea when the next chapter will be up. Hopefully sometime soon, but spring break is almost over (sob) so I may not have as much time to write. We'll see! 


	9. Fun Stuff well, sort of

A/N: Eep! So sorry I haven't updated! The only reason for that is...well...to tell you the truth, I kind of forgot about this story. BUT I've remembered now. Anyway, LegosGrl, in answer to your question: Sure, why not? Just email me some information about him and I'll see what I can do. A few people have asked me whether Legolas is really gay in this fic or not. Um...I don't think he's really gay. He just can't resist Gimli, so he's sort of bi I guess. Yeah, that's it. BISEXUALITY ROCKS!!! WOOH!!! Okay...sorry. Not really sure what that was about. Too much coffee. Now, I'll shut up and let you read the chapter.  
  
Miraculously, the fellowship somehow managed to get all of the children packed up and ready to go in a little less than six hours. Elrond surveyed the situation, a very amused expression on his face. The most entertaining thing was seeing exactly how each group had gotten their children ready to go. For example, thirty-six of the babies were strapped into strollers which had been lashed together with rope...real elven rope. Pippin was sitting in the baby cart with two more babies, and Gandalf was sitting with the remaining three babies in front of him on his horse Shadowfax, who did not look at all pleased to be pulling the cart.   
  
The one-year-olds had done pretty much the same thing, except Legolas and Gimli both rode one horses, and each only held one baby (can you guess who those were? Yep, Onna and Gandalf Junior!). The two-year-olds didn't have any strollers, so they were all jammed into small crevices or sitting on top of the supplies in the cart. Merry was riding in front, and Sam sat all by himself on a little pony.   
  
Elrond smiled and turned his attention towards the three-year-olds. He had overheard Frodo and Aragorn talking earlier that day about how they were going to transport their kids all the way to Fangorn, and some of the things they had been considering were rather funny. There had never been a chance that they would be able to use strollers, seeing as three-year-olds can walk, and the strollers were for children who couldn't. It also didn't look like they were going to have room in their cart like Merry and Sam had, because they had fifteen more children and the same amount of space, so they'd have to come up with a new idea. Elrond was delighted to see that they had chosen one of the less kind, and ultimately, less humane ideas. The children were standing behind the cart in five equal lines, while Frodo and Aragorn walked down each row, tying a rope to the cart, and then walking down the line tying the rope around each child's wrist.   
  
The children did not seem to like this idea at all. "Mr. Teacher, this hurts!" Kurus whined.  
  
Bad idea. It had been a REALLY long day, and Aragorn's eyes were burning with rage as he spun around and advanced on her. He knelt down so that he was at eye level with her, and brought his face so close that she could feel him breathing. "Do you think I care if it hurts?" he whispered.  
  
Kurus just stared at him.   
  
"DO YOU?!?!?!?"  
  
All of the children nearly jumped out of their skin. Kurus kept staring at him, until finally she nodded her head, a little smile on her face.  
  
"NO! You idiotic child, I DO NOT CARE!" he turned around to face the other children. "You all had better get used to it! PAIN! Lots of pain! Pain is your friend! And you will get to hang out with your friend A LOT during the next three weeks...SO DEAL WITH IT!" He took a deep breath. "Have I made myself clear?"  
  
Frodo spoke up. "Aragorn...are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, tying them up..."  
  
"Yes I'm sure this was a good idea. Does anyone have any questions before we get started?"  
  
Kurus raised her hand.   
  
"What?" Aragorn spat.  
  
"Why don't we get strollers?"  
  
"Because I hate you so much that-"  
  
"NO!" Frodo interrupted him. "Because you all are big kids and you can walk. The strollers are for the babies who can't."  
  
"Idra can walk."  
  
"Is Idra in a stroller?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Frodo was quiet for a moment. "Okay, you know what, just be quiet." Frodo turned to Aragorn. "Oh well, I tried."  
  
"Yeah, that's really all you can do."  
  
Frodo and Aragorn climbed into the cart. It was going to be a loooooong three weeks.  
  
Elrond grinned as he watched the rest of the fellowship struggling to keep their children under control.  
  
"Girls, for the last time, KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELVES!"  
  
"Peregrin Took, look and see if...um...Mebedir has a pacifier!"  
  
"MR. TEACHER! I CAN'T FEEL MY FINGERS!"  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!!"  
  
"Mr. Teacher, I'm hungry!"  
  
"No, absolutely not! No more cookies!"  
  
"Mr. Teacher, I have to pee!"  
  
"Too bad!"  
  
Elrond decided it was time to take charge. "OKAY!!!!!! Let's all settle down now." Incredibly, everyone settled down fairly quickly. "Alrighty, there's not much to say, except that you all are running about...five hours behind schedule and the tourists will be coming early, and I do not want them to see ANY TRACE of you people here, so get out...NOW!"  
  
"Oh, that's nice!" Aragorn began.  
  
Frodo shook his head. "Just ignore him. Come on, let's go."  
  
Aragorn growled unhappily, but obeyed. Frodo crawled to the back of the cart so that he could keep an eye on the children and make sure that they didn't die or anything so entirely wonderful as that. It had been agreed previously that the three-year-olds would go last in order to keep any of the other carts from running over the children. The one-year-olds went first because of Legolas' superior eyesight and earsight...or whatever, his fabulous hearing skills. Next came the babies, then the two-year-olds, and then the three-year-olds dragging far behind.   
  
About five minutes into the journey, the children began to get antsy. Legolas was riding ahead making sure that there was no danger anywhere near. Of course, it's not like danger wouldn't see him first in his bright pink "Primary Caregiver" shirt. "Wait, hang on..." Legolas turned his horse around and rode back to Gandalf who was struggling to hold onto three babies and a horse at the same time. "Gandalf, do we have to wear these shirts anymore?"  
  
Gandalf shrugged. "If you don't want to, I guess you don't have to."  
  
"Okay!" Legolas set Onna in the baby cart and skillfully took off his pink shirt WHILE riding a horse and threw it into the cart. He picked Onna back up and set her in front of him on the horse. Then he returned to the front of the line and continued scouting for danger.   
  
A few minutes later, he spotted something rather dangerous looking off in the distance. He narrowed his eyebrows to try to get a better look, and sped up a little bit. Onna twisted around and climbed onto his shoulders. She began pulling his bowstring and giggling. "Onna, get off!" Legolas cried in frustration. He reached back and snatched his bow from her hand. She shrieked in protest. "Onna, stop it!" He reached back again to get an arrow, but she latched onto his hand and wouldn't let go. "ONNA! LET GO!" He shook her off his hand and grabbed an arrow, pushing her off his head in the process. She screamed and grabbed onto his hair. "OUCH!" Legolas took hold of Onna's wrist and swung her over in front of him. "STAY THERE!"   
  
Legolas was now in firing range of the dangerous looking thing, so he fitted his arrow onto his bow and drew the bowstring back with minimal interference from Onna. He let go and watched the arrow sail through the air.   
  
"Oooh..." murmured Onna as she watched it fly towards the thing. She twisted around to look at him and blow a raspberry.   
  
Legolas rolled his eyes. "You are just so cute, I can't stay mad at you for anything!" He turned his horse around and they galloped back to the cart. He set her down. "You stay here while I go investigate!" and he galloped off into the sunset. Well, the afternoon sun.   
  
Legolas was in a very bad mood that evening. The dangerous thing that he had shot at had turned out to be a rock, and that was rather embarrassing, and he also knew that trying to get all of the children fed and ready for bed was not going to be an easy task at all.   
  
Gimli, of course, was having the time of his life. He walked up and down the rows of strollers unfastening the seatbelts and singing lullabies. "Hush little baby, don't say a word. Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird, and if that mockingbird don't sing, Daddy's gonna buy you a diamond ring. And if that-"   
  
Sam walked over timidly. "Hey Gimli, do you guys have-"  
  
"Nope! And if that diamond ring is brass, Daddy's gonna buy you a looking glass, and if that looking glass should break-"  
  
"Gimli, are you sure you-"  
  
"Yep. And if that looking glass should break, Daddy's gonna buy you-"  
  
"Okay, Gimli, that's about all I can handle, let's shut up now." Legolas had been following Gimli, lifting the children out of their seats and setting them on the ground.   
  
"Fine, but you don't have to be so grumpy about it!"  
  
"I'm not being grumpy!"  
  
"I know, Leggy, I know, you're just tired."  
  
Legolas took a deep breath. "How many times have I told you, THAT IS NOT MY NAME!"  
  
"Sure it isn't." Gimli said soothingly. "Now, why don't you go lay down for a while? I'll take care of the babies!"  
  
"No! You can't handle them, remember last time?"  
  
"You are grumpy!"  
  
"I am not the one who is grumpy! I mean, look over there! I think Frodo is a whole lot more grumpy than I am!"  
  
Gimli turned to look at Frodo, who did indeed look grumpy. Aragorn, on the other hand, did not look grumpy at all. He looked...gleeful...in a sick, insane sort of way.   
  
"Alright, kiddies, did you have fun today?" Aragorn grinned at them rather evilly, his eyes shifting around to look each child in the eye.   
  
"Yes, Mr. Aragorn." they all answered in unison. A lot of the children were close to tears, and those that weren't were already crying.   
  
"Good, good. Alright, I'm going to untie you now, but if ANY of you move THE SLIGHTEST BIT...you will be very sorry." Aragorn ended this statement with an odd sounding cackle-type-thing, that quite frightened not only the children, but also Frodo.  
  
Frodo stepped forward timidly. "Um, Aragorn, do you think that maybe..."   
  
But Aragorn was not paying any attention to him whatsoever. He just walked down the rows, untying the children and smirking at their pitiful expressions. When he finished, he gave Frodo a satisfied smile. "See, isn't this fun?"  
  
"No!" yelled Sam from the two-year-old cart. The two-year-olds did not listen to him at all. A select few listened to Merry once in a while, but they never really remembered what he had told them for too long. Poor Sam was in hysterics trying to get them to calm down.   
  
"I wasn't talking to you!"  
  
"But I WAS talking to you!"  
  
"Um...Sam, do you need...some help?" Frodo walked over to him. "Because I think that Aragorn has pretty much got our group under control."  
  
"That would be wonderful!" panted Merry from the other side of the cart.  
  
So the three hobbits worked TOGETHER (yay!) and got the two-year-olds under control also, but this was long after all of the other groups had eaten dinner. Frodo supposed this was because most of the babies were in strollers and couldn't get out, the one-year-olds were completely in awe of Legolas and Gimli, and the three-year-olds knew better than to misbehave with Aragorn around.   
  
After dinner, the fellowship was getting ready to put the children in bed. They'd discovered a stream where they could brush their teeth and get drinks of water before bedtime, and they had plenty of pillows and blankets. However, there was one thing that they hadn't counted on.   
  
The two-year-olds, and some of the one-year-olds, had begun to complain that they hadn't washed their hair. The three-year-olds started to complain, but soon stopped when a disgruntled Aragorn placed a hand on the hilt of his (new) sword.   
  
At first they chose to ignore the whining, but then the babies started crying. They were crying and tugging on their hair and kicking their teensy-weensy little feet (so cute!) until Gandalf couldn't take it anymore. "ALRIGHT!" he shouted.   
  
Everyone stopped what they were doing.  
  
"We'll wash your hair! But we need to do this quickly." He motioned for the fellowship to gather around him. "Okay, six of us will take children to get their hair washed. Two will stay here to watch the children, and also to brush their hair when they get back. Who wants to stay?"  
  
Aragorn's hand shot into the air.   
  
"Yes, that would probably be best. Your group won't listen to anyone but you." Gandalf commented. "Now, let's see...how about...Merry! Children like you!"  
  
"Um...actually, I'd kind of rather not..." Merry said hesitantly.  
  
"Good, good. Okay, so, Merry and Aragorn will stay here. Everyone else, listen up!"  
  
Everyone except Merry and Aragorn turned to face Gandalf, and straightened up a little bit.  
  
"Everyone will start with the children from their own group. Don't worry about fixing their hair the way their parents said to. Just grab their shampoo and get going-"  
  
"Gandalf, they need conditioner!" Legolas cried.  
  
Gandalf rounded on him. Legolas didn't even flinch. "Why...do they need conditioner?"  
  
"Because! It's very important that their hair stays moisturized. Besides, if they don't have conditioner, their hair will get frizzy, and they'll all look really bad!"  
  
Gandalf rolled his eyes. "Fine. Shampoo and conditioner. Anyway, get their hair washed and conditioned, brush their teeth too while you're there, and then take them back to Aragorn or Merry who will brush their hair and get them dressed for bed. Is that clear to everyone?"  
  
Everyone nodded.   
  
"Okay, let's get going!"  
  
Aragorn and Frodo walked back to their group together.   
  
"I will be up all night!" Frodo wailed. "These kids will take forever to get ready!"  
  
"I'll be up too!" Aragorn pointed out.   
  
"Yes, but you won't be throwing screaming children into a freezing cold river!"  
  
"But I will be dealing with the screaming children once they recover from the shock of being thrown into a freezing cold river."  
  
Frodo just stared at him for a moment. "Fine, whatever." He grabbed the nearest child by the wrist. "Help me find...uh...Erufaelason's stuff."  
  
"Okay, sure." So Frodo and Aragorn searched together. How sweet is that? On the other hand, there were some other people who weren't having such a great time as they were.  
  
"Gandalf, I don't want to give the babies a bath! What if I drown one of them?"  
  
"Then it will be one less child we'll have to care for, and that would be wonderful. Drown as many of them as you want to, Peregrin Took."   
  
"But...but Gandalf..."  
  
"Yes, I know Elrond wanted them all back safe and sound, but I really don't care. He's not the one taking them on this confounded field trip!" Gandalf began muttering to himself in a language Pippin couldn't understand, as he snatched Thalion up from his stroller and swung his bag over his shoulder. "Come on, Peregrin! We haven't got all night!"  
  
A/N: Well, there it was, exactly 2500 words. Sorry it was so short, next one will be longer. I think I'm gonna have fun writing the next one...bath time...HOW CUTE! 


End file.
